Have the Best Valentine’s Sex, Singles Included.

I’m not here to make any kind of trite remarks about Valentine’s Day, because frankly, it’s all been said already. Some people love it, some people hate it. One thing you might not realize about Valentine’s Day, though, is that it’s a fantastic opportunity to take advantage of sales on sex toys. I’ve gathered up some of my favorite products to suit a wide range of people so that no matter your Valentine’s plans, you can have the best sex possible. Valentines 1. Minna Limon: Though I’m only just starting the process of testing the Minna Limon, I know already that it’s going to be a go-to toy for me. At first, I was afraid the lemon shape would be difficult to hold and gimmicky. Oh, how wrong I was! This little guy delivers some seriously powerful vibrations, and you can make/record your own patterns. It’s as much fun to use alone as it is to use with a partner, especially if you get a kick out of making the Limon mimic popular tunes. Special Marvelous-Darling.com challenge: Who can get off to the opening notes of “Under the Sea”?

2. Sportsheets Sports Cuffs: As someone with extremely tiny wrists, I really appreciate that these cuffs use super-strong velcro to secure. They can be made as big or small as your body warrants for either wrists or ankles, and are very, very strong. I love that you can take the set apart and affix them to things like tethers, or simply re-connect them after winding them through your headboard (this is where metal or slatted headboards have a distinct advantage). Furthermore, they’re insanely comfortable for restraint devices, and won’t leave any marks that might make you uncomfortable at the office the next day.

3. Sliquid Sassy: As far as I’m concerned, Sassy is the Queen of Lubricants, the Porterhouse of the lube world. (If you think filet mignon is the best steak, then you’re overpaying and under-enjoying. Porterhouse forever.) It’s 100% body-friendly, made without glycerin or parabens, and it’s thick without being gummy. You can use it for vaginal, anal, or even oral sex, because it has virtually no taste and the perfect slippery texture. Sliquid nailed it with Sassy, making it possible for you to nail it in any consensual situation.

4. Lifestyles SKYN condoms: I have never found a condom I like more that’s also as readily available as Lifestyles SKYN. They’re latex-free, which means they’re ideal for latex allergy sufferers (obviously) but also for oral sex, since they don’t suffer from that unpleasant latex smell and taste. They’re ultra, ultra thin, and generously lubed, which allows for a lot of texture to be felt through them. And, unlike lambskin condoms, they do protect against STIs and HIV. If I could get business cards printed on SKYN condoms, I would, and I would hand those suckers out in handfuls.

5. Lelo Luna Beads Mini: There’s been a bit of a controversy over whether the Minis are as good as the Originals. I’ve never experienced the originals, but I’m honestly quite happy with my set. The interior balls are weighted and move about as your body moves, which for me caused quite a bit of a reaction from my PC muscles. The awesome thing about weighted kegel balls like the Luna sets is that they’re not just for exercising: They’re also for pleasure. They act as a slow warm-up, getting your muscles excited and ready for action. I noticed a pretty serious increase in self-lubrication while wearing the Luna Beads. So, whether you’re gearing up for a night with James Deen or a partner in the flesh (if your partner in the flesh is James Deen, I’m a bit jealous1), I think they’re a great choice for anyone who wants to combine exercise and arousal.

6. Tantus Meteorite: The Tantus Meteorite is another product for which I’m working on a review, but again, I’m already enamored. At first glance, I thought this plug was going to be way too big for me. I’m quite the anal novice, having been scared away for far too long. A few months ago, I decided it was high time to get serious about exploring anal pleasure; enter, Meteorite. Like all of Tantus’s amazing products, the Meteorite is made of 100% premium silicone, meaning it’s perfectly body-safe and even shareable, when you take proper cleaning precautions. It’s 1″ in diameter at its widest point, so it’s roughly the size of a thin finger. Though it looks long, if you’re an anal newbie like I am, I assure you that it is extremely comfortable. With a little Sliquid Sassy, the Meteorite was incredibly comfortable to use, and really opened my eyes as to how great anal stimulation can be.

7. Lelo Mia: While the Mia shown is the 1.5, the newest Mia (2.0) is even better. They took my beloved 1.5 and made it waterproof and even more powerful. To begin with, Mia is a little powerhouse. Because it’s constructed of hard ABS plastic, it conducts vibrations extremely well. Combine that with Lelo’s powerful motors, and you have a recipe for success. Mia can be very easily charged by plugging it into any USB outlet, making it extremely portable. Also, it’s quiet. I always take it with me when I travel. If you want a solid, well-made, strong clitoral vibrator that’s built for pinpoint stimulation, you can’t go wrong with Mia 1.5 or 2.0.

8. Vibratex Mystic Wand: It’s not the most famous wand, but I’m inclined to say it’s one of the best. The Mystic Wand is only 8″ long, is made of ABS plastic and silicone, and is powerful enough to actually function as a back and neck massager. In fact, because I’m more interested in pinpoint clitoral stimulation like the Mia provides, that’s how mine normally gets used. But, if you’re in the market for a wand that can stimulate broader areas, like the entire vulva, then you should seriously consider picking up a Mystic Wand. This is the only toy on my list that takes batteries, but I fully believe it’s worth the hassle of stocking 4 AAs. It more than makes up for your trouble by being one of the most powerful, rumbly wand vibrators on the market that doesn’t require a wall outlet.

9. Vixen Creations VixSkin Mustang: In my eyes, the Mustang is the perfect dildo. It’s 6.5″ long and 1.5″ in diameter, making it slightly larger than the supposed average penis, but definitely manageable. VixSkin is an amazing material, made of 100% silicone. It’s two densities, meaning that the core is firmer and the outer layer is softer. Even larger toys made of VixSkin, like the extremely girthy Randy, are made easier to use because of the two densities. It’s also extraordinarily realistic, with a perfect curve and head to gently stimulate the g-spot. If you like the look of the Mustang but think it might be a bit small, it’s cousin Maverick might just be the dildo for you. (PS: SheVibe still has Mustang in Tie Bright and Fluor-a-Pink which I highly recommend. Everyone needs a bit of whimsy.) Additionally, SheVibe has some great sales happening right now. The Lelo Mona 2, which I’ll be reviewing shortly, is on sale for 15% off. It’s been widely heralded as a holy grail, so I can’t wait to get my hands on it. All Tenga products are 15% off as well, which means you can finally get your hands on an amazing masturbator sleeve  like the Flip Hole. And, f you really want to invest in a beautiful piece for your pleasure kit, select Fucking Sculptures are on sale for 25% off, like the stunning Hooded Nun.

  1. Please read, cw: rape.

50/50 Split: Namaste Harmony by CalEx

Once again, many thanks to SheVibe for their patience and generosity! I was originally sent this vibe months ago, and I could not decide how I felt about it. It was such a head scratcher that I skipped over it and even reviewed a few other toys first.

So, what do I think about the California Exotics Namaste Harmony? I’m cautiously optimistic about the direction of their company. Known for being a “novelties” brand – think grape scented jelly double dongs – CalEx doesn’t inspire a lot of confidence in me. But it’s not exactly easy for most people to drop $100+ on a vibrator, either. Is the Harmony worth its mid-range $46 price tag? It depends.

I was initially drawn to the Harmony because it reminded me of the Leaf Life, a quiet, beautiful toy by Swan. Harmony has a similar shape, but with a wider tip at either end. The thing is, Harmony is considerably bigger. While Harmony is 5″ long and 2.25″ wide, Life is only 4.1″ long and 1.6″ wide. Harmony is not much of a pinpoint toy, because its tips are rounded, unlike Life’s pointed ends. These aren’t good or bad things: simply differences in design and execution.

Now, really, Harmony is buzzy. It’s on the stronger end of buzzy, and the materials (ABS plastic, PU, with a silicone button), conduct vibration well. Because it’s so buzzy, if you have a strong grip or you have a partner who tends to clutch toys for dear life, you might dampen the vibrations significantly. Its 3 straight vibration settings go from what I would call medium to high to intense. If you like to barely graze your skin with the sensation, this would probably be a fantastic option for you, since the vibrations conduct nicely at surface-level. Another unfortunate side effect of buzzy vibrations from a toy of this material: it’s loud. Room-mate disturbing loud, but not neighbors disturbing loud. Is it college dorm appropriate? No. Would it would for someone living in your average apartment complex or town house? Yes.

Where Harmony really has the chance to shine is in the fine detail of its curvature. For me personally, the curve was perfect for clitoral stimulation. It sort of created a surrounding effect, making the vibrations feel more intense. I was actually surprised by how great it felt.

Harmony is rechargeable, which is fantastically convenient. I very rarely consider trying battery-operated toys because I just never keep batteries around the house. (I’m terrible at being an adult.) It comes with a USB cable and a wall adapter (for US outlets). The thing I found very puzzling about Harmony’s packaging is that it comes with a magnetic cover for one side of the toy. In the picture on SheVibe’s website, the toy looks like a yin and yang symbol, or Free Willy. That white part actually detaches. Why? I’m not 100% sure. It might be for perceived cleanliness, might be to hide the USB portal, might be for style. Who knows? I almost lost it 3 separate times while working on this review.

In conclusion, answer the following questions if you’re considering purchasing a Harmony.

1. Do you love the shape of Leaf Life but can’t afford it, want a bigger toy, or are happy spending $50 but not $100? (Worth it.)

2. Is this your first clitoral vibe? Are you on a mid-range budget ($30 – $75), and does this shape appeal to you more than a lipstick style? (Worth it.)

3. Do you own a MiMi, a Mia, a Mystic Wand, or a Tango (Salsa has been discontinued)/Tango? Are you satisfied with it? (Nope. Go buy tequila.)

Thanks so much, SheVibe!


SheVibe Deals & Steals

As part of my effort to blog more regularly, I want to share some awesome sales with you from my friends at SheVibe. I like to shop at – and review for – SheVibe because they’re always looking for ways to do things better. They’re really part of the next generation of sex toy retailers, ones who care about the consumer. Having met their team in person, I could not be happier being associated with such an awesome group of people. (Disclaimer: This post does contain affiliate links, but all opinions and endorsements are entirely my own. I love me some sex toys.)

First up…



I haven’t had a chance to try any of their products (my laughably small disposable income generally goes to cheese), but I have my eye on the Linger, texture fiend that I am. Epiphora, someone I would trust with the safety and happiness of my genitals any day, absolutely loves NobEssence. If I can ever get my vagina to stop being such a pansy when it comes to girth, I’d love to try the Seduction.

Next, and possibly even more exciting for those of you who prefer vibration near your nethers…



Dude, you can get a Mia 2, the updated version of my absolute favorite travel-friendly clitoral vibe, for $52. The Mia charges via USB port, comes with a discreet satin pouch, and is whisper quiet. Or, if you prefer something with a bit more size and oomph, get your mitts on a Mona 2 for $95.99 (definitely on my wishlist).

And, for anyone looking for a double header…



That includes the famous FeelDoe  and RealDoe from Tantus, the crazy-fun-looking New Wave from Fun Factory, and the popular Nexus Junior from Vixen Creations (makers of one of my favorite dildos, the VixSkin Mustang). Bonus: If you’re looking for a bit of beginners pegging fun, I recommend the FeelDoe Slim.

Happy shopping!

Support Dildology.org

Last week, I posted a link to Dildology.org, along with a simple explanation of what they do. Today, I want to get deeper into that, since I’m proud to be part of the Dildology.org Blog Carnival!

So what is Dildology?

In their own words… “The sex toy industry is on the rise, yet it remains largely unregulated. Dildology.org intends to provide material verification services and maintain a public database of the results, adding transparency and oversight to the industry while educating the public about the science behind pleasure products. We stand on our own, unaffiliated and uninfluenced, and we are dedicated to protecting the health and well-being of the dildo-loving population at large through education (and maybe a little entertainment).”

Crista, Lilly, and Crista’s partner V want to know what the hell is in our sex toys, and they’re tired of relying on faulty manufacturer information to find out. Did you know that absolutely nothing – no one – stops manufacturers from claiming “phthalate free”, even if their product is actually 30-50% phthalates? Are you as angry as we are now? You should be!

The goal of Dildology.org is to provide 100% comprehensive, independent testing, which is very expensive. Testing for each toy is $200-$450, which is quite a chunk.They are purchasing toys directly from locations around the US, and are refusing toys offered by manufacturers so as to remain 100% objective. (They are, however, taking product donations from third-party retailers – if you run a store and want to help, hit them up.)

At this time, they need $20,000 to start this amazing project, and you can help. They’re offering some awesome rewards to get started, including a 15% off SheVibe coupon when you donate $15 or more and a baller Dildologist t-shirt when you donate $50!

In addition to their donation perks, if you are a blogger and donate more than $15 to Dildology, I will give you a code for a free 1 month advertising slot, which you can use now or for the month of June (or, if a ton of you donate, I’ll queue you up and let you know when your month will come). Shoot me an email after you donate, and once I confirm your donation, we’ll get you set up through PassionFruit.

Leaving Adult Retail

After almost exactly a year, I’m leaving adult retail (for now).  I’m not really sure if or when I’ll get back into it.  Obviously, I’m not done with the industry.  I have a lot of reviews to catch up on, and I don’t plan to quit reviewing any time soon.  But I could not be more burnt out from answering the same questions and having the same sales frustrations, day after day.

I’ve learned that I’m just not someone who thinks in sales dollars.  I will not ever lie to you to get you to purchase something, and if I think a product is shit, I will tell you that (nicely).  A lot of products in the adult industry are absolute shit.  Phthalates, parabens, porous rubber…  It gets to be exhausting trying to wade through the sea of utter crap to help someone find a toy that’s well made and body safe.  In a mainstream sex shop, that’s fucking difficult.  (To clarify: I was never, ever asked to lie.  But saying anything good about a jelly rabbit is impossible for me, I can’t just gloss over the toxicity issue.)

I’m so, so thankful for shops that are paving the way toward a higher standard of quality products and sex education.  There are a lot of people standing on the shoulders of folks at Babeland and Good Vibrations, and if Catalyst Con was any indication, things will  get better.  I would absolutely love to work for any of the amazing sex-positive retailers, like SheVibe or Tantus, that I’ve met during this journey.  And yes, maybe I am name-dropping to plant the seeds for someone awesome to throw my name in the ring.

But, I digress.  What does this mean for you?  It means I have time and motivation to do shit like write reviews!  And spend the required time with myself to formulate opinions, to write those reviews!  Also, I’m going to try to bring back Lazy Sunday links, which I didn’t know was a Lonely Island song until someone thought I was clever.  In hindsight, I bet they were being sarcastic.  Hm.

I will be back for tomorrow’s resurrection of Lazy Sunday linkfest!