So I have a lovely reader/friend/Swede who reminded me that today is, in fact, MANDAY. …Basically, what I’m getting at is that I didn’t really have a plan for this Manday so I’m kind of flopping around wildly asking the men I know, “What should women know about men?” And getting answers like, “I don’t know anything about men.” (This is what I have to work with, people.)
Then I asked one of the guys I had a thing with over the summer, with whom I’m on good terms, and he said that guys don’t care about your whiney needs. I’m pretty certain that accounts for a solid 15% of why we are now Just Friends. And then he said that men will change their behavior when a woman thinks she’s figured it out. I, personally, think he’s bullshitting, because he’s going to law school so that’s basically what he’s going to someday be paid to do.
What am I actually going to talk about for Manday? The delicate art of the Walkaway.
You’ve probably used the Walkaway correctly and incorrectly at some point in your dating life. It’s one technique, but it has the power to completely blow up in your face. With great power comes great responsibility.
You’re in an argument with your significant other. Things are heated, and you know that you personally are about to say some things you’re going to regret. The good Walkaway begins with, “Honey, I can’t talk about this right now. I need to cool off. We can talk again in ________ minutes/hours. Ok?”
You’ve effectively expressed that you need to relax and that you are willing to talk, just not right now. And at this point, once he’s agreed because he understands (hopefully), you can walk away.
You’re in the same argument with your significant other. You’re still getting heated, and you know you’re going to say something you can’t take back. The bad Walkaway is when you make some kind of threatening noise or say something mean, and just straight walk away. No explanation, no warning, just walk away.
This is bad because it totally shuts the lines of communication and quite frankly is a bit selfish. You might cool off, but your significant other is just wondering what the fuck happened and is probably getting more worked up as a result of you bookin’ it.
I believe that when properly executed, the Walkaway is a great tool when you find yourself in a situation that could easily boil over for little to no reason. In my experience, guys aren’t exactly keen to fight or argue with you, so they’ll happily take the necessary cool down time if it means getting back to good terms later.
Ok. I’m cheating, because I didn’t learn this from living with dudes. I learned it because I did a very bad Walkaway from my dude the other night. Because he’s a rather good dude if I may say so, he came after me and we worked it out. But I really learned the importance of the Walkaway.
Anyone else a fan of the Walkaway? Do you have a policy with your partner about heated arguments?