I thought it might be time that I addressed why I started this blog, and why I’ve chosen to take it in this direction. I’ve seen some more readers around recently (welcome! thank you all!), and I want to start the dialogue. This certainly won’t be the last time I post on this topic!
Recently, a friend and former colleague of mine, a gentleman probably slightly older than my father, asked me what I wanted to do after college. I told him that I planned on opening a female-friendly sex toy boutique here in Pittsburgh, and I really didn’t anticipate his reaction: he told me he thought we needed that, and that I could do some serious good in people’s lives. I was extremely touched. He told me that he felt we sometimes (or often) mishandled sex in the way that we talk to younger people. I don’t want to give too many details on our conversation, because he has a right to privacy and a right for our former employers not to know his thoughts on the subject, but he really got me thinking.
I’ve been very blessed to grow up in both a tolerantly religious household, and a sex-positive one. When my parents gave me “the talk”, they stressed that they hoped I would choose to have sex first with someone I cared about, and someone who cared about me. They were very level-headed, and answered all of my questions. Still today, I know that I can be open with them. Not everyone grows up in an environment like this. I have a lot of friends who never had “the talk,” whose parents shut those lines of communication, and who had to rely on friends, who were sometimes misinformed. Sex ed where I went to school was a joke. Because so many schools practice abstinence-only education, we leave sex education in the hands of parents, many of whom also drop the ball. What are we teaching them? That sex isn’t to be talked about.
Then comes the real kicker: you can view sex, but you can’t talk about it. Pornography is so popular and so easily accessible. Even more easily accessible, I would say, than a solid sex education. There’s a lot wrong with that. It is a sad state of affairs. I’m personally someone who doesn’t see anything wrong with pornography as a general concept (yes, it is sad that it can become an addiction, and yes, there are varieties of porn that ought not exist), but I do see something wrong with it being easier to find than correct information about sex. This is why, a few posts ago, I posted a link to Scarleteen. I trust their information, and I think everyone, especially those 18 and under, should have ready access to information like this.
So why me? I’m the girl in my group of friends, at my place of work, who can talk about anything with anyone. I am so hard to make uncomfortable. I talk frankly with my friends about birth control, sex positions, sex acts, toys… you name it, I’ve probably discussed it. I just don’t feel that there’s anything wrong with two people discussing sex. It’s not dirty, it’s not shameful. It’s something you do, and the less you talk about it, the more you turn it into this taboo. The less you talk about it, the less information gets out. Kids who don’t talk about sex aren’t going to not have sex – they’re not going to have safe sex!
So, I’m here to talk to you, because you’re all my friends, about sex. Because there’s nothing wrong with being a girl who likes sex. If you’re a sexual being, you should like sex! It doesn’t matter how many people you choose to have sex with, when you choose to have sex, or with whom you choose to have sex. As long as it’s consensual and safe, I think you should rock on. I don’t believe in slut shaming, and I don’t believe in making up rules about what’s right for other people. I only hope, for you, that your sex life is as fulfilling as can be, whatever that means to you.
If you want to discuss sex-positivity in my comments, I’d love that.
Safe & sexy,