I have one more semester left before I’m really going to have to suck it up and become a real person. This scares the shit out of me. I know so many people who have an idea of what they want to do, or they’re graduating this weekend and they have jobs lined up. One of my roommates is going to be working for a large, prestigious bank in the city. One of my best friends is headed to grad school in the fall for physical therapy.
…and I’m trying to find ways to grow this blog and to start planning for my dream: the female-friendly sex toy boutique. I can’t help but feel like a child who says, “I want to be an astronaut!” And everyone pats her on the head and says that’s a great dream. I’m 21. My job pays minimum wage, and I love it, but it’s not enough money to start saving for the astronomical costs of owning a business.
This fall, I’m lucky enough to be doing an independent study with a focus on how to start my business and the economic context of the industry. My advisor either actually believes in me or is fascinated by my preoccupation with the sex toy industry. (Really, for this kind of opportunity, I’ll take either.)
Last week, I applied for a job at another well-known bank in this city. I wanted to work as a customer service intern, full time over the summer. I haven’t heard back yet, but this week was supposed to be the deadline for decisions. I don’t think I got the job. It also was not my dream. I would have been (or will be, if I actually do get it after all) working for the paycheck, to save a substantial amount in hopes that I could build a foundation upon which to rest the boutique. And eventually, I probably will have to do that. I will have to settle down and pick a 9-5 and kick its ass to get my dream off the ground. Right? That’s what people have to do, right?
I wish this post weren’t mostly questions and ramblings. I really wish I had something inspirational to say to you, like, “Follow your dreams! See, look where I am!” But I’m in my bed, writing this post, eating oatmeal, and hoping that some day, I’ll have to wake up at 6am to take care of inventory and behind the scenes work so that I can sell adult products to empowered women.
What’s your dream? What do you want to be when you grow up? Do you feel grown up?