Blog Love

Well, it’s not Sunday, but another one doesn’t roll around for a while, and you all deserve some lovely links.

& Did you know that there is literally no regulation within the sex toy industry? Like, none at all? If you’ve ever seen me mention flame testing materials, I do it because you simply cannot trust that every package that says “100% silicone” really does contain 100% pure silicone.  Fucked up, right?  Thankfully, the brilliant minds of Dangerous Lilly and The Pinkness bring you…!

& Epiphora and SheVibe have teamed up to give away a FunFactory Stronic Eins pulsator! What is it, you ask? Why don’t you read her review!

& I’m really late to this party, but Jes of the Militant Baker is AWESOME. I feel like at some point, I found her blog, forgot to Bloglovin’ it, and sadly it slipped through my sieve of a brain. NO MORE! I’m linking her amazing Body Image(s) project here so you can all check out the glory of her blog!

& Sarah of SillyGrrl is launching her Nerd School ebook on May 21st, and you should probably register to get an email notification. Why? Because she knows her shit, and unless you’re already a professional web designer, your blog will thank you. (I’m on the list, ’cause this girlfriend needs help.)

& The Onion is sometimes spot on, and sometimes… Plainly, they really fucked up with this one, and Britni brilliantly called them out. (Trigger warning: Abuse, assault, Christ Brown’s asshattery.)

Kristen is participating in a Blog Every Day in May challenge, and today, she answered the questions “What do you do?” and “What are you most afraid of?” How would you answer those questions?

& In case you missed it, I now work at my local Lush shop, so you know I’m basically spending every waking hour smothering my body with vegetarian goodness. Let me tell you though, if you were to walk into Lush and purchase just one product, I would suggest you pick up a Buffy. My backside has never been smoother, and my arms have never been so soft.

See you soon!

OkCupid University: Etiquette 0500

Welcome to another installment of OkCupid University!  In case you missed it, you can find my intro to OkC post here.

Many of the most common question I get asked about online dating revolve around etiquette.  A lot of myths still abound about male/female interaction, and since the majority of my friends are heterosexual, that’s what I hear the most about.  I hate to be heteronormative, but a lot of this post is going to deal with being a woman looking to date a man, because that’s what I have personal experience with.  If you don’t fall into that category, I would love to hear from you about how your experiences differed from mine, if at all.

My Least Favorite Myth: Women shouldn’t send the first message.

I can’t believe I’m even addressing this in 2013, but since I’ve been asked more than once, it seems I have to: Go ahead and send a damn message.  Someone has to make the first move, and if you noticed him first, why shouldn’t you?  There exists this stereotype about girls who “chase” boys, girls who are needy and pathetic, and I know a lot of smart women who are afraid to make a move because of that.  Fuck that shit.  Say hi, mention something specific from their profile that drew you in, and close with a question related to another area of their profile that caught your eye.  Easy peasy, and nothing “crazy” about it.  Women who message men aren’t crazy or needy, they just don’t subscribe to bullshit theories perpetuated by the patriarchal media.

Real Faux-PasThe double message.

You know who really is crazy? The person who sends a follow-up message, when the first one did not receive a response. Especially a follow-up message like this:

“Guess you didn’t like what you see.  Sigh.

No matter what you want to say to that psycho, just don’t do it. Don’t tell them off, don’t buy into it, and most of all, don’t apologize. This is not someone you want to get involved with. They’re either emotionally manipulative, or they’re a child, and either way they are not fit for a healthy adult relationship.

There is one exception to this rule: If you have been messaging someone and you were setting plans with them but they disappeared, it is perfectly fine to send a follow-up 3 or more days later. Something like, “Hey, still interested in getting together?” Short, sweet, nothing emotional. It’s possible that they forgot to press send on their last message, but it’s also possible that they changed their minds. I won’t lie to you – it happens. All you can do is be an adult and hope they behave the same way.

Call Me, MaybeWhen to give out your number.

In my opinion, there is absolutely nothing wrong with giving out your number. I usually did it when we’d talked for a bit via OkC messenger, mostly to make my life easier. It’s much simpler to text someone about plans than to rely on them checking their account. Use common sense: Don’t give out your number in a first message, and don’t put it in your profile. I gave my number to at least 15 guys during the course of my OkC experience, and not a single one ever harassed me. Some people think it’s forward for a woman to give a man her number before he asks for it.  I guess those people really get a kick out of wasting time.

Set a DateAsking, accepting, and declining.

Do I really need to tell you that it’s totally ok for a woman to ask a man out on a date?  Really?  Because it’s totally ok for a woman to ask a man out on a date.  “Would you like to get coffee sometime?”  Any well-adjusted person would be happy to hear (or read) those words!  If you want to go on a date, there is absolutely no shame in asking.  Because guess what?  If he says yes, he wanted to go out with you.  End of story.

Now, what if someone asks you on a date.  Do you want to go?  Did you check out their profile, and make sure they didn’t answer any questions in a worrisome fashion?  Then accept!  Obviously.  Do you think it would be a total train wreck, ending with a thrown drink or you falling asleep in your chair?  Politely decline.  “I’m sorry, I’m flattered, but I don’t think we’d make a good match.  Good luck, and I do appreciate the invitation.”  Maybe I’m a little formal, whatevs, you can adjust it.  I’m not your damn secretary.

Show Me the MoneyWho pays?

This is a highly personal aspect of dating, and it’s something that gets many people’s undies in a twist.  To be safe, assume you’re going to split it down the middle. Don’t be a dickwad and order anything you wouldn’t want to pay for. I’m personally ok with letting someone else cover the check if that’s what they want to do. I think it’s polite to ask, “Are you sure? I don’t mind splitting,” but if they press I will let them pay. I might get flack for that, and I understand why, but it’s how I’ve always handled dates. If you hate to let anyone pay for you, that is certainly your prerogative, and I do understand the reasoning behind it.

Next up at OkC U: Playing the Field – Dating More than One Person at a Time

My Thoughts on Dove’s “Real Beauty” Sketch Video

Have you seen Dove’s latest Campaign for Real Beauty video?  If not, go take a look.

First of all, I know there are 1,000,001 posts out there already about Dove’s Real Beauty campaign, both positive and negative.  After watching their most recent video, I had a thought that I haven’t seen addressed yet.

The entire thing hinges on how other people see us.  It’s all about how you critique yourself and how other people, especially people who know and love you, see you much more positively.  I feel as though I’m being told that what other people think of me matters more than what I think of myself.

I don’t want to feel better about myself because someone else said I have a nice, thin jawline or beautiful eyes.  That’s still giving the power to someone else.  I have my own agency and I have my own confidence.  If a woman feels ugly, the solution is not to ask someone else what they think of her, and suggest that she draw confidence from that.  The solution is especially not to ask what a man thinks of her, in my opinion.

If Dove wanted to make a real beauty campaign, I think they would have to dismantle what they’ve built so far.  They would need trans*women, women with disabilities, women of color, and women from size 0 to 20+.  They would need to ditch photoshop (btw, they totally haven’t).  I don’t know that we’ll see any of that any time soon.

I understand that they’re trying to sell us beauty products, and they can’t do that if we’re perfectly happy with ourselves.  They still want the focus to be on what other people think of us because then we’re easier to sell to.  And I’m not buying it.

Ask Me Anything

This isn’t part of a link-up or a meme, but rather something I’m hoping to make a semi-regular (read: every few months) feature.  

I’m looking for your questions about:

Toys and lubes.

Personal health care (testing, best lube/lotion/potion for ___, bath & beauty).

Porn, including porn and relationships.

Relationships and dating.

Mental health and sexuality.


I don’t want to focus this on me.  I want this to be about you.  What do you want to know?  If you raise a big enough question, or if the answer would be too long, I’ll likely turn it into a feature-length post.  And if no one asks questions, this is going to be embarrassing, so get cracking.  Feel free to submit anonymously.


To submit a question:

Tweet at me!

E-mail me!

or just comment!

Lazy… Monday?

Better late than never?  I had a crazy day yesterday, starting with an 11-5 shift at work, and ending with me passing out at midnight (even though I was supposed to pick the boyfriend from the airport at 3am).  Oops.  Don’t worry, I’m taking him out tonight and plying him with tequila.

And here are some things I hope you’ll love this week:

& Caitlin of Healthy Tipping Point linked to this amazing recipe for banana soft serve.  I say “amazing recipe” when really it involves bananas in a food processor but really, who would have thought?  I want to mix up some bananas and mixed berries – I think that sounds like heaven.  Plus, it’s both raw and vegan!

Mandi of Making Nice in the Midwest posted a lovely post titled Blogging Wisdom and a Fresh Start – I think many of us could use one or the other!  (Full disclosure: I found her post via another blogger’s weekly links – it might have been Kaelah or Sarah Von.)

Frugal Doesn’t Mean Cheap.  I hope I’ve linked to some of Shannyn’s content before, because her blog Frugal Beautiful is phenomenal!

Erin of Hammock Pack had a fantastic idea: she started her own subscription box company based on “staycations” – she sends the R&R right to your door!  I will definitely be signing up for one of her boxes.  (Found via Kaelah Bee.)

& I think it’s a distinct possibility that Roxy has one of the coolest lives ever.  Gators and Roller Derby??  Sign me up!

Have you heard of Gadchick yet?  If you’ve ever been frustrated by how male-dominated the tech industry can be, and if you’re sick people trying to sell you a camera because “it’s pink!!1”, then you need  to check them out!  You can find the past two issues of their magazine free for download here.


Grab some tea or coffee and enjoy your monday!  I’ll be back later this week!