Ask Sarah Part 1: Where we talk about Porn

October 22, 2012 · By · 1 Comment

Hi all!  I got a lot of responses to Ask Sarah asking about porn, and I’m excited about it.

First of all, I do feel like pornography can be degrading, to both women and men.  There’s no shortage of misogynist porn, and even downright violent porn, out there.  But these directors and companies should not ruin porn for you as a whole, because there are a lot of performers and other directors out there looking to improve the feminist porn experience.  What I look for in solid feminist porn is women (and men!) genuinely having a good time; performers who have good chemistry and appear to be comfortable on set and with each other are key.

I’ve heard the statement, “I don’t want him/her using porn instead of being sexual with me,” a lot.  And that’s a completely valid concern.  Trusting your partner is key.  I have no idea how much porn my boyfriend watches, but we have a healthy sex life, so it’s not a concern of mine.  It’s very rare for two people to have sex drives that completely match up – if one person wants more sex than the other, then porn is a very viable option to keep the relationship happy and healthy.  The best advice anyone can give a couple is to have open communication.  I have no experience with porn addiction, so I don’t feel comfortable addressing that topic yet.

I love  watching porn as a couple.  It’s definitely a bonding experience, and it’s very interesting to take turns choosing the flick.  You get to see a little of what your partner likes, and maybe get some ideas.  It just adds something different to what can become a routine.  If you’re interested in exploring porn as a couple, I suggest grabbing some lube, a vibrator, and maybe a stroker if you have a male partner.  Masturbating together, teasing each other, or getting each other off during porn is a lot of fun, and it ensures that no one feels left out.  Remember, your sex life isn’t entirely made up of intercourse.

If you have a hard time getting off, or even getting aroused by, traditional porn, you might be more interested in another niche or genre.  I have very little interest in hardcore porn, but I love the softer stuff available through Abby Winters.  Conversely, someone else might prefer the harder, but equally female-friendly, Meet the Mayhems (a real couple, in mad love and lust, making porn together).  If you’re looking for queer porn, or porn that includes performers of all gender identities and sexual orientations, you should check out the Crashpad Series or one of Courtney Trouble‘s sites.

If you do like more mainstream porn, but are looking for a better male performance, check out James Deen.  He’s been the darling of the internet somewhat recently, and really takes care to make sure that his female costars have a good time on set.  Also, he’s actually sexy.  A sexy man, in mainstream porn.  I know, you need a moment to retrieve your jaw from the floor.

Your enjoyment of porn has a lot to do with just finding the right kind of porn for you.  If you or your partner is interested in experimenting, take a look around.  Just because you don’t like Bree Olson doesn’t mean you can’t find a star or a studio that you love.

Good luck!  Go explore the pornucopia.

Filed Under: Dating & Relationships, Personal & Advice · Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Oh, YES: Vibratex Tulip Mini

October 10, 2012 · By · 4 Comments

If you have a clitoris, you need this vibrator.

When I received the Vibratex Tulip Mini (henceforth, the Tulip), I was expecting to enjoy it.  What actually happened?  I was blown away.  I need to include a picture of the Tulip, because otherwise, it’s going to be very hard to explain what’s so special about this little wand-style clitoral vibrator.

The entire toy is only 6″ long, with those petals making up about 1.5″ of overall length.  The petals themselves are made of soft, velvety, flexible silicone, and they surround a bullet coated in pink silicone in the middle of the wand’s head.  The effect is pinpoint stimulation combined with fluttering petals, which in my opinion combines the two best methods of clitoral stim.

Using the Tulip is very easy.  The base (which brilliantly allows the wand to stand up by itself) easily twists off, and you then load 2 AAA batteries into the compartment.  The presence of a dedicated ON/OFF button is welcome – far too few toys have one.  The other button allows you to cycle through 6 functions, but honestly, I only ever had to use the first 2 speeds.

While in use, I actually had to back off my orgasm a few times because I wanted to continue using the toy.  This was on the first vibration mode, which is a low, steady rumble.  This toy is really shockingly powerful and effective.  Every time I used it, I needed about 10 minutes and settings 1-2.  That’s it, and it was guaranteed bliss.

If you’re looking for an amazing clitoral vibe, or if you want to try a new combination of sensations, I highly recommend the Vibratex Tulip Mini.  At $25.99 from SheVibe.com, it’s a steal.  Thanks, SheVibe!

Visit SheVibe!

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Lazy Sunday

July 8, 2012 · By · 5 Comments

Hi darlings!

I have to head to work in about 12 minutes, but I wanted to get this post up and off the ground because there’s a chance I’ll be pulling a Ke$ha and leaving for the night (I ain’t comin’ back).

& First of all, despite my not having a Facebook page for the blog (good idea? bad idea?), I absolutely love the ideas from Kira’s post  on Her New Leaf about fan-only content.

& Kara of I Just Might Explode and Stuff Kara Made blows my mind.  Check out her shop, her 40 before 20 list (which she completed, because she’s a badass), and her classes, if you want some awesome to brush off on you.

& For some reason, I’m always skeptical of low-priced products touted as “high quality”, but I think I might have to make an exception for Ladygasm’s Cici, which is currently on sale for $25.  Ladygasm makes their own line of silicone toys and I have to say, they’re really unique.  The clitoral stimulator on Cici has little nubbies, which have made me kind of obsessed with it.  (Also, remember my love MiMi?  Obviously I must own Cici.)

& I really can’t take any credit for locating Laura of Wrapped Up In Rainbows, since she followed me on Twitter and I was like, “Oooh, Rainbows you say?”  Just the first few posts on her home page right now include: VW camper vans, ice cream, and a super simple DIY apron tutorial.  If you want anything more than that, I just don’t understand you at all.

& All this week, I’ve spent basically every free second reading Epiphora’s sex toy reviews.  The woman knows what she likes and she is not afraid to be blunt.  Some day, I hope to have amassed the toy knowledge and collection that she has!

 

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If You’re Tested and You Know It, Clap Your Hands

March 16, 2012 · By · 2 Comments

Hi pretties.

Two sex-related posts in a row?  Have I gone mad?  Probably.  But I’m still gonna do it.  Mwahaha.

Did you know, before I have sex with any new partner, I ask them if they’ve recently been tested?  You probably didn’t know that, unless we’re friends or we’ve had sex, but yeah, it’s true!

I’ve actually been tested after every partner and before every new partner.  Because my school provides free (!!) testing, it’s super easy for me to get discreet test results.  My parents don’t see them, and they call me personally on my cell and don’t leave voicemails about my vagina being all nice ‘n healthy.  If you have such services at your college or university, what are you waiting for?  You get swabbed or pee in a cup or have an eensy bit of blood drawn and shebang – back to banging!

If you don’t have access to a uni health center, you can definitely check out Planned Parenthood.  If you have health insurance, see what’s covered under your plan.  There may also be a free clinic in your area that will test for free or cheap.  There are dozens of ways and places to get tested, and it can all be done very privately.

Why am I such a stickler?  I love all ‘em reproductive organs all up in my body!  I love my brain, too!  But syphilis!  Gonorrhea!  Crabs!  HPV!  I don’t love those!  

“But Sarah, it’s so awkward to be like, ‘Hey, I really want you in me but first, can we please talk about the health of your penis?’”  Why, yes, dear reader, it can be.  (An interjection: yes, condoms do protect against STDs.  But because it’s not a 100% guarantee (some skin is still exposed, after all), I still bring it up.  Every time.)  I like to start by saying, “I’m kind of a stickler about my health, so I promise you, this isn’t personal.  I would really like for us both to get tested, unless you’ve recently been tested and you know you’re clean.”  My honest opinion?  Anyone who can’t react positively to something like that is not someone I want to be sleeping with!  I’ve honestly had that sentiment work with several past partners, and they were all very kind about it.

To be completely honest, I have an IUD, so if I’m in a committed monogamous relationship, I don’t insist on condoms.  When I was on the pill, I still did, but of course that’s up to you and your partner(s) and your gyno.  I’m definitely not here to give out medical advice!  But, when sleeping with a new partner, it’s definitely no glove, no love over here.

I’m not going to try to scare you with statistics.  I have a love/hate relationship with statistics anyway.  But, if you respect your body, yourself, and your partner, you should get tested.  It’s not shameful – it’s healthy.  It doesn’t mean you’re a tramp (and remember, we don’t slutshame here) – it means you’re informed.

Good luck.  Go get ‘em, tiger.

Safe & sexy,

Sarah

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My, my, Mimi.

March 15, 2012 · By · Leave a Comment

Hi pretties.

If you read any part of my What’s the Buzz? series, you know that I’m a big fan of the toys from Je Joue.  Je Joue is a luxury toy brand and while their toy repertoire is a bit sparse, the quality is amazing.  Each toy is waterproof, rechargeable, and made of seamless or near-seamless silicone.  The silicone is buttery smooth, and has little to no drag.  Mine doesn’t have a problem of attracting hair or other fibers, either, which is kind of a gross-out that I’ve read about with some silicone toys.  No such issues here!

Before I plonked down a decent sum of cash on Mimi (retail cost: $90), I did as much research as possible.  I found several fantastic reviews on Babeland, EdenFantasys, and independent sex toy review blogs.  Mimi is a very popular lady!  And, I discovered, with good reason.

I did read that Mimi’s buttons can be difficult to push.  If you have larger fingers or long fingernails, you might have a problem, but I honestly did not notice an issue at all.  I thought the buttons were easy enough to press, even without moving the toy once it was doing its thing.

Speaking of doing its thing, Mimi has 5 vibration settings and 5 patterns.  Even as a girl not usually impressed with patterns, I found Mimi’s strong enough and varied enough that the patterns actually did seem to add something to the toy, where I usually think they’re just filler.  To turn Mimi on and cycle through the vibrations and patterns, you press the + button; to turn Mimi off, you press and hold the – button.  Very simple and intuitive, in my opinion, and a quick way to turn off a toy is always appreciated in my book.

Mimi’s vibrations are really, impressively strong for a small toy.  I can comfortably hold Mimi in my hand at several different angles, because the toy has a few surfaces from which the vibrations emanate.  The first level of vibration is really more of a tease – I’ve personally found 3-4 to be a “sweet spot.”  Levels 3 and 4 are substantially stronger than bargain bullets, but I personally found level 5 to be a little bit too strong.  Power queens would probably love it, though.  Sometimes, it’s a bit annoying to have to cycle through if I accidentally click past 4, but the patterns are enjoyable enough that it’s not going to kill my mood.

One of my favorite things about Mimi is that I’ll never have to deal with batteries.  Mimi takes a few hours to charge, and I have heard that you ought to charge Mimi after about 3-4 hours of use, but mine has not died yet.  Mimi charges through a charging cable that magnetically connects to the + and – buttons, keeping with the seamlessness of the toy.

Conclusion: Over all, I would give Mimi a 4.5/5.  The only thing I dislike is having to cycle through every option without being able to just go back.  Like I said, it’s not a dealbreaker, but it would certainly make for a better toy if it were an option.  Mimi is an awesome toy for anyone looking for a luxury clitoral vibrator complete with bells & whistles.

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