Hi all! I got a lot of responses to Ask Sarah asking about porn, and I’m excited about it.
First of all, I do feel like pornography can be degrading, to both women and men. There’s no shortage of misogynist porn, and even downright violent porn, out there. But these directors and companies should not ruin porn for you as a whole, because there are a lot of performers and other directors out there looking to improve the feminist porn experience. What I look for in solid feminist porn is women (and men!) genuinely having a good time; performers who have good chemistry and appear to be comfortable on set and with each other are key.
I’ve heard the statement, “I don’t want him/her using porn instead of being sexual with me,” a lot. And that’s a completely valid concern. Trusting your partner is key. I have no idea how much porn my boyfriend watches, but we have a healthy sex life, so it’s not a concern of mine. It’s very rare for two people to have sex drives that completely match up – if one person wants more sex than the other, then porn is a very viable option to keep the relationship happy and healthy. The best advice anyone can give a couple is to have open communication. I have no experience with porn addiction, so I don’t feel comfortable addressing that topic yet.
I love watching porn as a couple. It’s definitely a bonding experience, and it’s very interesting to take turns choosing the flick. You get to see a little of what your partner likes, and maybe get some ideas. It just adds something different to what can become a routine. If you’re interested in exploring porn as a couple, I suggest grabbing some lube, a vibrator, and maybe a stroker if you have a male partner. Masturbating together, teasing each other, or getting each other off during porn is a lot of fun, and it ensures that no one feels left out. Remember, your sex life isn’t entirely made up of intercourse.
If you have a hard time getting off, or even getting aroused by, traditional porn, you might be more interested in another niche or genre. I have very little interest in hardcore porn, but I love the softer stuff available through Abby Winters. Conversely, someone else might prefer the harder, but equally female-friendly, Meet the Mayhems (a real couple, in mad love and lust, making porn together). If you’re looking for queer porn, or porn that includes performers of all gender identities and sexual orientations, you should check out the Crashpad Series or one of Courtney Trouble‘s sites.
If you do like more mainstream porn, but are looking for a better male performance, check out James Deen. He’s been the darling of the internet somewhat recently, and really takes care to make sure that his female costars have a good time on set. Also, he’s actually sexy. A sexy man, in mainstream porn. I know, you need a moment to retrieve your jaw from the floor.
Your enjoyment of porn has a lot to do with just finding the right kind of porn for you. If you or your partner is interested in experimenting, take a look around. Just because you don’t like Bree Olson doesn’t mean you can’t find a star or a studio that you love.
Good luck! Go explore the pornucopia.