I thought it might be time that I addressed why I started this blog, and why I’ve chosen to take it in this direction. I’ve seen some more readers around recently (welcome! thank you all!), and I want to start the dialogue. This certainly won’t be the last time I post on this topic!
Recently, a friend and former colleague of mine, a gentleman probably slightly older than my father, asked me what I wanted to do after college. I told him that I planned on opening a female-friendly sex toy boutique here in Pittsburgh, and I really didn’t anticipate his reaction: he told me he thought we needed that, and that I could do some serious good in people’s lives. I was extremely touched. He told me that he felt we sometimes (or often) mishandled sex in the way that we talk to younger people. I don’t want to give too many details on our conversation, because he has a right to privacy and a right for our former employers not to know his thoughts on the subject, but he really got me thinking.
I’ve been very blessed to grow up in both a tolerantly religious household, and a sex-positive one. When my parents gave me “the talk”, they stressed that they hoped I would choose to have sex first with someone I cared about, and someone who cared about me. They were very level-headed, and answered all of my questions. Still today, I know that I can be open with them. Not everyone grows up in an environment like this. I have a lot of friends who never had “the talk,” whose parents shut those lines of communication, and who had to rely on friends, who were sometimes misinformed. Sex ed where I went to school was a joke. Because so many schools practice abstinence-only education, we leave sex education in the hands of parents, many of whom also drop the ball. What are we teaching them? That sex isn’t to be talked about.
Then comes the real kicker: you can view sex, but you can’t talk about it. Pornography is so popular and so easily accessible. Even more easily accessible, I would say, than a solid sex education. There’s a lot wrong with that. It is a sad state of affairs. I’m personally someone who doesn’t see anything wrong with pornography as a general concept (yes, it is sad that it can become an addiction, and yes, there are varieties of porn that ought not exist), but I do see something wrong with it being easier to find than correct information about sex. This is why, a few posts ago, I posted a link to Scarleteen. I trust their information, and I think everyone, especially those 18 and under, should have ready access to information like this.
So why me? I’m the girl in my group of friends, at my place of work, who can talk about anything with anyone. I am so hard to make uncomfortable. I talk frankly with my friends about birth control, sex positions, sex acts, toys… you name it, I’ve probably discussed it. I just don’t feel that there’s anything wrong with two people discussing sex. It’s not dirty, it’s not shameful. It’s something you do, and the less you talk about it, the more you turn it into this taboo. The less you talk about it, the less information gets out. Kids who don’t talk about sex aren’t going to not have sex – they’re not going to have safe sex!
So, I’m here to talk to you, because you’re all my friends, about sex. Because there’s nothing wrong with being a girl who likes sex. If you’re a sexual being, you should like sex! It doesn’t matter how many people you choose to have sex with, when you choose to have sex, or with whom you choose to have sex. As long as it’s consensual and safe, I think you should rock on. I don’t believe in slut shaming, and I don’t believe in making up rules about what’s right for other people. I only hope, for you, that your sex life is as fulfilling as can be, whatever that means to you.
If you want to discuss sex-positivity in my comments, I’d love that.
Safe & sexy,
Please, please tell me that at least some of you have seen the Sex and the City episode with the Rabit? Dual-actions are, hands down, my favorite kind of vibrator to talk about because they vary so widely but do so much. I love me some multitasking tools (sporks, anyone?) and a rabbit style dual-action vibrator is no exception!
But why a dual-action? Dual-action vibrators provide sensation everywhere it counts. There are actually plenty of nerves within the first 2 inches of the vagina. Many dual-action toys hit your G-spot, provide sensation for the opening of the vagina, and also deliver the clitoris. They come in all shapes and sizes, so if you’ve ever been intimidated by bigger toys, or unimpressed by smaller ones, fear not: there is a dual-action out there for you!
& Fifi : If you’ve read the other installments of my What’s the Buzz series (1, 2, or 3), you know that I love the Je Joue line. Fifi is no exception. Like Mimi and Uma, Fifi is completely waterproof, made of 100% pure medical grade silicone, and she is rechargeable, meaning you don’t have to mess with batteries when all you want to do is have a good time! What really impresses me about Fifi, though, is that the rabbit ear clitoral attachments are actually individually motorized, making them very powerful. Fifi is the priciest of the dual-action vibes I’ll be linking, at $139, but I still heartily recommend her for anyone looking for a power, silicone, rechargeable toy. You will not be left with weak vibrations when you play with Fifi!
& Butterfly Kiss : The toy company that I used to work for sold a product remarkably similar to the Butterfly Kiss, but at roughly 3x the cost – even at that price, it was a huge seller, because this design is amazing for beginners. I would confidently recommend this toy to any friend looking for a first time vibrator, especially someone who doesn’t want or need a lot of length or girth, but wants to try a g-spot toy with added clitoral stimulation. Butterfly Kiss is even waterproof, which is quite a bargain at $17.
& My First Rabbit Vibe : This Rabbit-style vibrator has the looks of a classic. It does not rotate to reach the g-spot, but its rows of beads rotate to provide a lot of stimulation to the first 2-3 inches of the vagina. The rabbit ear clitoral stimulators are classics for a reason - they work! In my opinion, one of the best things about these kinds of toys is that because the toy is a bit squishy (made of TPR silicone), you can press and hold the rabbit in place so that it works perfectly with your anatomy. At $39, this is an amazingly budget-friendly classic rabbit vibrator, though it is considered to be a louder toy.
& The Rabbit Habit : This is the rabbit originally featured on Sex and the City, with all the bells and whistles! The shaft rotates to hit your g-spot, the rotating beads are right in place to reach the most sensitive part of the vagina, and the rabbit ears are powerful. Unlike the one in the video I linked above, this rabbit is free of remote controls. This is a louder vibrator, but it really packs a punch when it comes to power. If you live alone, don’t hesitate! At $90, this is a bit of an investment, but it’s a popular option for a very good reason.
Do any of my readers have experience with a rabbit style dual-action toy? Any recommendations that I didn’t list? I would love to hear from you!
Safe & sexy,
At long last, I’m here to talk about G-spot Vibrators! (If you missed parts 1 or 2, you can check them out here and here, respectively. We talked about vibrator material basics and clitoral vibrators.)
The G-spot is less widely understood than the clitoris, so let’s start with a little basic information. Lady friend, meet your G-spot. Usually, the G-spot is located about 2 inches inside the vagina on your belly-button side. It’s a patch of nerve endings that, when stimulated, produce what’s often described as a different kind of orgasm. FYI: At first, it will probably feel like you have to pee. You don’t. You’re on the right track.
So how can you stimulate your G-spot? Some women like dildos for the simple fact that they can be easier to control, and not every woman feels like she needs vibration on that area. I like firmer vibrators because if you don’t feel like you want or need the vibration some days, you can use them like you would a dildo. It’s really up to you. At some point, I will do a post on dildos – don’t worry!
That having been said, you really do have a range of options when it comes to G-spot vibrators:
1) Size. Do you want something big or small? What do YOU consider big or small? Think about girth as well as length.
2) Material. Do you want something firm or something more jelly-like (thermoplastic rubber, phthalate-free, is great)?
3) Strength of vibration, patterns, bells & whistles. Do you need something with one setting, 3, or 5 plus patterns? Do you like patterns, or do you find they just get in the way? Do you need to be able to have your fun without your roommates knowing what you’re up to?
Don’t worry – I’ve already considered these for you!
If you’re looking for something small and jelly-like, the Pleasurizer ($22) vibe from Babeland. As a former associate with a toy selling company that ran in-home parties, I’m actually very familiar with this toy personally and can confidently tell you that it’s a great first time vibe! The nubbies at the base are meant for clitoral stimulation, but as not every woman is built the same, I’m more comfortable recommending this as a G-spot vibe than a dual-action. The bulbous head is perfect for hitting your G-spot, though, and the jelly texture and small size won’t feel overwhelming. Plus, it’s not a loud toy – this is definitely one I would feel safe recommending for those in an apartment situation.
Women with a little bit more toy experience, or those who prefer a more realistic feel, might like the Boss Naked ($67). It’s actually Babeland’s own unique toy, and while it is closer to realistic than most G-spot toys I’ve seen, it’s definitely on the tasteful end of realism! Better yet, the reviews claim rumbly vibrations and a reasonable level of quiet for a stronger toy. Because it’s a silicone toy, it’s harder than the Pleasurizer above, but still has enough give to it to be comfortable inside of the vagina. Because Boss Naked is a firmer toy, I would even go so far as to say that you could comfortably use it as a clitoral vibrator if you found the vibrations in the tip strong enough.
If you were curious about Mimi from the last WTB? installment, you should definitely check out her big sister Uma ($109). I was actually seriously tempted by Uma last time I made a toy investment, and I’m still dying to add her to my collection. As another silicone toy, Uma is firmer than the Pleasurizer, and judging by Mimi’s texture, it may actually be firmer than Boss Naked is described to be. While firm, Uma is not strictly made for girls with girth requirements – at 1.5″ at the widest point across, this is not an intimidating toy. I have heard that Uma is not the quietest toy on the market, but with a motor similar to Mimi’s, I can assure you that behind closed doors and walls that are at least not plywood-thin, you should be fine and discreet. Like Mimi, Uma has five speeds and five pulsation patterns, which means plenty of variety and many options for you to discover exactly what works for you.
As with all toys, I definitely recommend a water-based lubricant. There are so many on the market that it shouldn’t be hard for you to find one you like – you can even start with basic KY water-based liquid from the drug store if you don’t want to order online. Just make sure not to use any silicone lubricants on your toys!
Once you’ve narrowed down your choices and have an idea of the kind of toy you want, consider where you make your purchase. I’ve linked to Babeland during each installment of this series so far because all of their toys are body safe and they have excellent sex education articles. I feel that Babeland is committed to safe and smart sexuality, so I endorse them. I’m an affiliate, which means that if you buy through the links I provide, I get a commission. I’m not here to sell you things, though – I would never recommend something I wouldn’t personally consider, or that I wouldn’t recommend to a close friend. I believe in making your life better through safely exploring your sexuality, and I think Babeland is a legitimately good source for intimate products. Browse Babeland’s selection of G-spot vibrators or, if you prefer, head to your local retailer to check them out yourself. Consider size, material, and vibration strength when making your choice.
Soon, you can expect to see the final installment of What’s the Buzz? – dual-action vibrators! Including the famous Rabbit.
Do any of you have favorite G-spot toys that you recommend? Did you find any of my toy recommendations helpful? I would love to hear from you!
Safe & sexy,
I hope you had a very sexy week!
Last week, we talked about vibrator material basics. This week, we’re going to address the most fun part of choosing a new toy: different types of vibrators. Who’s excited? This girl is!
Because there’s so much to say about each kind of vibrator, I’m going to break up this topic into a few separate posts.
Today, we’re going to look at clitoral vibrators. The clitoris can have up to 8,000 nerve endings, and exists for only one purpose: pleasure. It’s there, with a ton of nerve endings, for fun. Show it some love – that’s what it’s there for!
Clitoral vibrators are in most cases made to be used externally. These toys vary so greatly that there’s sure to be something for everyone, from beginner to toy expert. When looking for a clitoral vibrator, think about a couple of things:
1) Ease of cleaning (go go gadget silicone!)
2) Do you want a small bullet-style vibrator, a larger egg, or something totally different?
If you know what kind of vibration strength you like, you can usually browse a toy site by strength of vibration. If you’ve only ever had inexpensive vibrators from Spencer’s or another novelty shop, those were probably not very strong, rumbly vibrations. (In toyspeak, we call vibrations either “rumbly” which means they’re strong and deep or “buzzy” which means they’re weak. If buzzy gets you off, rock on! But a lot of ladies need the rumbles to get goin’.)
Above, I linked an example of each category within the “family” of clitoral vibrators. All of the toys I linked above after from Babeland, an online retailer that does not sell any toys with phthalates in them – you know you’re safe shopping with them! There’s the PicoBong Honi, which is a classic bullet-style vibrator. It’s waterproof up to three feet, so it’s perfect for a little bathtime relaxation. Second, there’s the Je Jouie Mimi, my newest favorite vibe. It’s a bit larger than a bullet, waterproof, and just like you’re phone or iPod, it has a rechargeable lithium-ion battery so it’s easy on the earth, too. In my experience, you can’t beat Mimi’s vibrations, either! If you’re looking for something with a lot of power, the famous Hitatchi Magic Wand is “the Cadillac of vibrators,” though it’s not the smallest or most discreet of toys. I’m also intrigued by the PicoBong Kiki and since it’s made by Lelo, a very well-respected toy company, I wouldn’t hesitate to recommend it, either!
Do any of my readers have a clitoral vibe they love and swear by? Are you excited for the next installment where we’ll look at G-Spot vibes?
Safe & sexy,