How Disillusionment Led to Toy Reviewing

Around this time of year, I start to get nostalgic. It’s not Christmas, New Years, or anyone’s birthday… No, around this time two years ago (2012), I bought my very first luxury vibrator, and a whole new world was opened up to me.

The way I feel about my first luxury toy is the way some people feel about their first love. Just thinking back on those first few orgasms puts a smile on my face and a spring in my proverbial step. But how did I get to that point? What pushed me make that purchase? A double-whammy UTI and bacterial infection, a breakup, and a lot of time spent scouring the internet.

In August 2011, I became a Pure Romance consultant after hosting a party. I loved it. Finally, an outlet for my perviness! And I actually did make money. I did about 1-2 parties per month, and averaged $600 in sales per party. Then, I got a horrible infection from a product I had never thought to question. At that time, my interest in sex toys and other adult products became deeper. I started digging, and I wasn’t happy with what I found.

For as much as those massive party companies (Pure Romance, Slumber Parties, Pleasure Parties, etc.) want you to think that they rigorously train their consultants, I’m here to tell you, the training material never covers the most important topic: real, scientifically-based material and ingredient safety. You might get lucky and hear “phthalate free,” but in an unregulated market, that means nothing. My personal pet peeve is one particular creamy emollient Pure Romance lubricant (Whipped) that’s made with ingredients which are completely unsuited to the vagina, including oils and glycerin – something consultants are never warned about. The emollient nature makes it easy for the product to be pushed into the urethra, and the ingredients simply do not belong up there. Unlike a simple water-based formulation like Sliquid Sassy, your body has a much harder time eliminating Whipped with an after-sex pee. That’s how I wound up on a bevy of drugs, peeing blood, and begging the good Lord to cease the pain. Oh, and did I mention that because consultants get a 30-50% cut, and the company itself still has to make money, everything is egregiously overpriced? I’m talking $30+ for a gross jelly cock ring with a watch battery bullet. (You can get a pure silicone ring with a bullet vibrator from my loves at SheVibe for $10.99.) Thank God for the Internet.

So, armed with new knowledge (extra special thanks to Epiphora and Lilly!), I rebelled. I quit, I continued my search for knowledge, and I purchased my first completely body-safe vibrator: the original JeJoue Mimi, which now also comes in an intriguing soft version.

At the time, I bought my MiMi from the godawful wasteland that is EdenFantasys, where I also took advantage of their review program. Besides their horrid disrespect for the English language, they also have terrible ethics. If you’d like to learn more about why you should avoid them at all costs and why I and many others left their program a long time ago, please check out Epiphora’s post on the matter.

In March 2012, I started blogging in earnest, and a while later began reaching out to companies for products to review. I’ve had the good fortune to work with some amazing, fantastic, big-hearted people at SheVibe, Vixen Creations, We-Vibe, Tantus, Bad Dragon, and Vibratex. I really hope to grow that list in 2014. I know there are people out there working to change this industry and turn it into what it should be: pleasure- and health-based, open to all. I’ve made a lot of blogging friends (shit, I ran out of words!). I’ve tried a lot of toys, both really good and really bad. I’ve even spent a weekend with some of the most inspiring folks alive.

If you’re interested in doing what I do, it’s entirely possible to start right now. Don’t let anything intimidate you. You don’t have to be a size queen, but it’s okay if you are. You don’t have to be kinky, but you will be welcomed with open arms if you want to write about BDSM. If you’re willing to learn, to be completely honest, and to treat masturbating like it’s your job, then you can do this, too. It’s not always an easy job, but it is rewarding.

I’m 23, and (Almost) Everyone Still Likes Me.

I never really did like Blink-182. (Sorry, Alicia.)



Yesterday, I went shopping for some birthday presents. For myself, as one does. And literally everything I picked out was black, yellow, or a combination of the two. For those not in the know, I’m from Pittsburgh, much like Wiz Khalifa, and you know what it is. I definitely find myself missing my city and everyone in it a little bit more today.

That said, I can’t believe how lucky I am to be here. I haven’t felt as healthy as I feel now in a very, very long time. Recently, I got the chance to start writing professionally (more on that soon), and besides working on my own writing projects, I’ve been filling my time with making friends, reading, cooking more adventurously, and actually cleaning my apartment. And you know, I really like it. Sometimes, it’s a little bit lonely, but I’ve had time to run errands, learn some new things, practice my Deutsch, up my cooking game, and generally focus on feeling well. I’ve lost about a dress size, possibly around 8lb, just from walking so much, carrying groceries to and fro, and cleaning up my eating. And you know I’ve been having wine and beer like everyday, so it’s not some deprivation bullshit. I just genuinely feel so good here!

On Friday morning, all three of us are heading to Amsterdam for the weekend to celebrate my birthday. We booked an AirBnB apartment so Daphne could come with us and experience her third European city. Because my husband has been there before, I tried to plan a trip that would allow us to see as many new things as possible. Of course, we’re seeing the Anne Frank Haus, the red light district, and the Van Gogh museum, but we also want to see the Electric Ladyland – the Museum of Fluorescence, visit the Reypenaer for cheese tasting, drink at the Brouwerij ‘t IJ – an award-winning brewery, and try some Indonesian food (apparently a local favorite). It’s going to be a really exciting three days!

I guess this blog is sort of changing shape, and becoming more personal. Don’t worry – if you come here for toy reviews, I have a few that need to be written, and a couple more products on the way. I’m not going to stop talking about sex, toys, vaginas, and vulvas. But I am going to keep expanding my blog, taking on new topics as they come into my life.

Speaking of which, I’m looking to start a new fitness program, and I wanted to find something that I could do indoors, with minimal equipment. So, I decided to download the Blogilates App, and get the Beginners Workout Calendar. If you also use the Blogilates app, or just like Cassey’s videos, comment and let me know! I’m planning to get started on Monday, and hopefully order/purchase a suitable mat over the weekend. If you’re interested in my fitness progress, maybe I’ll start doing some fitness posts to keep myself accountable.

Jet-setting or JeJoue: You can now choose Travel or NSFW!

If you’ve been reading my blog at all lately, you’ll know that I have an amazing opportunity coming up: I’m moving to Kiel, Germany, with my new husband.

Up until now, I’ve mostly niched my blog as a sex toy review blog, with some splashes of real life, dating, and ranting. That’s fine. But I really, really want to share all of my new adventures with you.

So, to make that easier, I’m splitting my posts up into Safe for Work and Not Safe For Work categories.

Want to read about my life abroad but not my ever growing toy collection? If you’re a friend of mine from “real life” and want to keep up with me but not anything I put near my vagina, you’re going to be totally safe clicking on my Travel, The Expat Files, and Dating & Relationships pages. Those categories include my journey with emigrating, where I’ve been lately, and any posts I write about dating and relationships not including sex explicitly. (I never write about my own sex life. My husband deserves some privacy, after all, and I’m just not comfortable with it. Unless you want to get some coffee, then hey, whatever, let’s chat.)

If you just want to read my reviews, check out the Not Safe For Work page. You’ll find all of my past reviews, my future reviews, and any other toy-related or more explicit posts I’ve made. Voila!

Any suggestions on other ways I can organize content to make it easier for folks who want to read about just my life and travels or just my toy reviews? I’d love some pointers and ideas!

PS: We leave in 22 days!


Always Make Back-ups // A re-introduction to

If you’ve newly found my blog, from meeting me at CatalystCon or Googling things like “slut” or meeting me in real life, I want you to have some kind of introduction to this blog.

First of all, I didn’t take a giant break from November 2012 to March 2013 – I switched servers and lost all of my content. I’m still kicking myself for not backing up my files. Always back up your shit. That was some of the best stuff I’ve put out on this blog, and I grew my traffic so much during those months. I’m definitely afraid of hitting a standstill. In the next couple of weeks, I’m hoping to find a way to recover some of my old content. Unfortunately, I couldn’t access any of the caches that I was linked to, but I’m not ready to give up on my content yet.

In the mean time, I’m working on new content. You’ve already seen my two newest reviews: for the Vixen Mustang and the Vibratex Mystic Wand. (I feel like RuPaul, plugging my own stuff. …That came out wrong.) I still have 7 more to write. I think only 7. So far. Bring it on.

The good news is that I started blogging last February, so if you want to read a bunch of old posts, you now have fewer to wade through. That’s good news, right? Kind of?

It’s My Blogiversary Already!

One year ago today, I posted on my long-dead blog that I had a big idea for re-opening the blog.  It was actually a very vague and boring post.  I’m not sure why I did it other than to give myself accountability for whether I would indeed come back.

Much like Jesus, I came back three days later and the rest is history.

(Just kidding – I’m totally not that blasphemous!)

If I had my shit together, I would have tried to organize a giveaway.  As it is, I’m sorry, I have no prizes for you, but I am so grateful that I have friends in this community and people who have really helped me to grow.  This is going to turn into an Oscar speech.  Pretty much every day I’m surprised that people continue to read what I write, and more so that it’s not just a) my mom, or b) one-time visitors.  Because before this blog, I was just someone who had an interest in sex toys and had absolutely no public filter or sense of shame.  Now, I have ajob in the industry, I’m attending my first big conference, and it doesn’t matter if I have a public filter because my lack of a private filter gets me free silicone playthings.  Because I have this outlet and this amazing opportunity to make friends, I feel like I’ve really been able to grow a lot, and I really appreciate everyone who comes back here post after post.

This time last year, I had just gone through a surprisingly rough break-up.  I think the need to start the blog really came about as a way to focus on something for which I had big, long-term aspirations.  I had begun reviewing for EdenFantasys in December, when I decided to quit Pure Romance.  My time exclusively on Eden helped me a lot in a couple of ways, but mostly, I needed experience writing and I needed to learn about toys.  I’ve always been naturally inclined for deep research, in which I learned about phthalates and other undesirables.  (I credit Epiphora for learning how to write a review that doesn’t suck.)  Something really shifted in January, though, when I ordered my first premium toy: a JeJoue MiMi (1st generation).  So, with the budding interest in toys and my years-long love for blogs, I decided to come back and really blur the line between lifestyle and sex, feminism and frivolity.

I’m so glad that even with a few short breaks, this blog has been up and running for a year now.  This is a for-profit blog, and I depend a lot on company partnerships for reviewing.  Without companies willing to work with me, especially as a new reviewer, this blog would either be nowhere or drastically different from what it is today.  I can’t believe the generosity in this community, other reviewers and bloggers included.  I really can’t wait to see what comes next.