Posts Tagged ‘advice’
Hi there long-neglected follower darlings!
I spent Wednesday night through Saturday night in Baltimore with the manfriend, his sister, and her boyfriend. It was probably the most insane vacation I’ve ever taken, even considering the fact that we went to bed during the PM hours almost every night. We’re super cool like that. But seriously, I think I drank my weight in beer, ate my weight in brick oven pizza, and walked about 30 miles. I’m going to write a full post – including some photos – later this week!
It’s been about a week since we began our official move-in, so obviously I’m now an expert on moving in with your significant other. Obviously, he hasn’t killed me yet or cast me out into the streets, so I must be doing a pretty good job.
What I’ve Learned So Far:
1. If you’re on completely different schedules, figure out how to make it work – you don’t have to adjust them to match. I go to sleep around 12, and he joins me around 3. I sleep like the dead, so maybe this wouldn’t work for everyone, but I personally find it a lot more realistic than trying to make my nightowl boyfriend go to sleep in the PM hours.
2. Don’t be cheap. I used a quart of milk from his carton last week, but bought a gallon today. He shares his beer with me, and I make him food sometimes. Unless you start to feel like you’re supporting your SO unfairly, there’s no reason to squabble over a box of cereal. It’ll probably even out in the end.
3. Ask for space when you need it, nicely. Both he and I are introverts, and we’ve acknowledged that there will be times when we’ll need “me time”. I plan on moving some of my desk and blogging stuff into a spare corner so we can have separate work areas (and oh, idk, so I can watch Pretty Little Liars without judgment…).
4. Related to #2, have a plan for certain expenses. Manfriend and I have an agreement wherein he buys beer for our consumption, and I buy sex toys/accouterments for our use. He drinks more beer than I do, and I use more sex toys (and lust after far more) than he does, but we happily share. (Bonus: If you buy glass or pure silicone, you can completely sanitize your toys and actually share. So cost effective!)
I’ll be back with more wisdom as I glean it. Since I’ve sucked on Sundays lately, look forward to a weekly links post tomorrow or Wednesday, too. I promise, it’ll be jumbo. Like, world’s biggest dildo jumbo.
I think it’s been a good long while since last I wrote about relationship issues. (Spoiler alert: I haven’t had many. I think I might possibly have met the easiest person to get along with, ever.) Compatibility notwithstanding, I do firmly believe in one of the boundaries he and I set up early in our relationship:
We only talk about past relationships when it is absolutely necessary, and never in much detail.
What’s worthwhile to know? That I had a very bad relationship with my first boyfriend which resulted in me almost having a panic attack because I thought I saw him at the Hofbrauhaus. What’s not worthwhile to know? How and when I lost my virginity, all of my ex-boyfriends’ names, and my old favorite date spots. Similarly, I just plain don’t care about his exes.
Of course, I care if he was hurt by one of them, and if there’s anything I can do not to bring up pain again. But do I want to know how they spent their Valentine’s Days? Nope. I don’t want to know their names to Facebook stalk them. I don’t want to know what they did in bed.
Like many other people, I can be a little bit jealous of the past. I get territorial. I’m also a tad irrational, so learning the names of my beau’s exes just adds more names to the list I have in my head of Names I Just Don’t Trust. I don’t actually know if Steve has this problem, because I think he’s a little bit more balanced than I am in general, but I definitely don’t want to risk making him feel bad by waxing nostalgic about some dude. (It probably helps that I’m not nostalgic. Except like, “Hey honey, remember when I dragged your vegetarian ass out for burgers? That was great.”)
As a result of this, we’ve pretty much only mentioned exes when it was pertinent. My favorite band is Tegan & Sara, so I once asked him if he’d heard of them and what he thought. Turns out, one of his exes liked them a lot, so as a result he wasn’t terribly fond. Big deal? Not really. Bitch had good taste – can’t fault her that, right? He knows that similarly, I shy away from Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind for that reason. Do we each need to know more intimate details about the people who ruined totally awesome things for us? No, thanks. We’ll just listen to whatever he has on in his car because I don’t know the names of what he likes except sometimes there are “beep-boop” noises, and we’ll watch some Firefly and all is well.
This is just what works for us. I definitely don’t advocate keeping things hidden or being dishonest. You should absolutely share with your partner what you feel is important. But so far, I can tell you that this has given me a lot of peace of mind.
Is anyone else excited for:
Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter ?!
Well, if you’re not, that’s ok. You probably just have better taste than I do. Which, frankly, isn’t difficult because I download Pretty Little Liars every week and sing “Call Me Maybe” with great gusto in the car.
Time for more links of substance! …and funsies.
& Why You Need to Go the Eff to Sleep, a guest post on Yes & Yes by Liz of Being Geeky Chic, is very true! As my bff Alicia and I are both old ladies who sleep from like 12 or 1 to 8 or 9, we whole heartedly agree. Except for this morning, when I woke up at 10 because I’m a wild child sometimes.
& Keiko Lynn’s post on Sole Society is both beautiful and informative. I’m definitely going to check them out and keep an eye open around fall when they will undoubtedly launch some booties. If you love shoes but hate department store prices, you need to get on this, stat.
& How to Be a (Perfect) Girl: Jezebel is probably one of my favorite sites for feminist humor, news, and opinions. (Ok, you can kind of make fun of me for getting news from Jezebel, that’s fine.)
& Sarah of SillyGrrl.com wrote a clear, concise, and practical little guide to saving money in fairly painless ways. As someone looking to beef up her savings account, I can really get on board with this!
What are you loving this Sunday? Anything you’re excited about in the week ahead?
I have excellent news! The wonderful and talented and ocularly stylish (is that how you say “has nice glasses?”) Sarah Von of Yes & Yes was kind enough to let me review her fabulous e-course The Post College Survival Kit!
Full disclosure: I wanted to read the kit, badly, but I was broke, and Sarah was sweet enough to give me a discount in exchange for an honest review. She’s pretty rad. But I am not being paid for this post, and all opinions are 100% my own. She didn’t even ask me to say she has nice glasses (she just does).
Now for the fun stuff! If you’ve never seen me post about Sarah before, here’s what you need to know:
She has all of the awesome. All of it. How so?
> She’s furnished her apartment entirely from thrift store and secondhand items, and still managed to make it chic.
> She’s gone on countless solo trips, lived to tell the tale, and never needed Liam Neeson to come save her.
> If you’ve ever spoken with her, you know this already, but if you haven’t, you should… because she’s one of the most interesting, genuine people I’ve had the pleasure of e-meeting.
So what’s the Post College Survival Kit? It’s basically How to Be Awesome After College. It’s all of the life stuff people don’t tell you until after you’re all like, “Hey, mom and dad, I have like $5,000 of credit card debt, my boyfriend deals coke, and he’s not even always in the air never flying coach. I live in a roach infested apartment that costs $1,200. And all of my friends are blood-sucking leeches.” Then, maybe, maybe someone will step in and help you. Maybe. But why not avoid all of that and go straight to Sarah’s collection of awesome advice and life tidbits? Why not indeed.
What will I learn? ALL OF THE THINGS. Memes aside, in just the first installment (of 3! Trifecta of knowledge!) you will learn about apartment hunting, roommate finding and keeping, relationships out of college, moving in with your SO without killing them, and more!
Can you give me some highlights or something? I want to know I’m getting my money’s worth. First of all, the course is $45. Let’s be realistic. What were you going to buy with an extra $45? If you don’t live in a big city, you could probably get a semi decent amount of weed. Which, ok, is going to sort of reduce your stress level, but it’s surely not going to make you better informed, and it’s going to be gone soon anyway. And you’re going to spend even more money on pizza because we all know that you get the munchies. Weed is not a good $45 investment for your future. But yes, I will give you some ballin’ highlights to prove to you how much better than weed Sarah’s e-course is.
& Sarah will teach you how to decorate your first teeny-tiny apartment (that’s not roach infested because you first learned how to apartment hunt in chapter one!) on a mini-bitty budget. That’s right. And if you doubt her design skills, interest, or tastes, check out the design tags on Yes & Yes.
& You know how you probably met the majority of your friends in college because of where you all lived, the classes you took, and your clubs and organizations? The adult world doesn’t have it set up so easily for you. This sometimes throws me into a state of hermit panic. No more! GUYS, SHE TELLS YOU HOW TO MAKE FRIENDS. This is shit we haven’t seriously had to practice since like 3 years old, and we’ve gotten rusty.
& The included dating advice is like the Anti-Cosmo, as in, it makes sense and it’s not sexist or heteronormative. You like to date girls? Sarah’s not going to tell you how to “snag a man” (ew). Why is the course set up this way? Because the focus is on being a YOU that a great other would like to be with! Also included are tips on meeting interesting people you might want to date, date ideas now that you have more choices than the cafeteria or the local $5 pizza joint, how you shouldn’t take shit from any scrub, and…
& How to move in with your SO without killing them or being killed! I love, love, LOVE the points Sarah makes about communication. There are hills to die on, and she addresses the important ones, and the ones on which you should consider waving the white flag to kiss and make up.
Are you convinced? Even if you don’t end up purchasing the Kit, I highly, highly suggest paying Sarah a visit over at Yes & Yes to osmose some of her awesomeness for yourself. You can also find her on Twitter.
No, really, do you? I don’t mean vaguely. We all want to be happy, successful, and all around awesome. But how or in what way do you want to be those things? Do you want to be an awesome banker? A successful hairstylist? In a happy couple?
Grab a notebook or a piece of paper. No, not your phone. You’re writing this shit down. Now grab a pen, because pen means commitment.
I want you to write down one specific goal that you have for yourself. It can be anything. I will not laugh at you if you want to meet your Mr. or Ms. Right. That can be a perfectly happy goal. I will not laugh at you if you want to be able to make super complex balloon animals. Want to bake like Martha Stewart? Write it the eff down!
Now, I want you to think. Think about yourself in that situation. What does it look like? Write a couple of sentences about what your goal means to you, about how you would describe your successful accomplishment of that goal. What does your goal look like, fully realized? (Ex: “I’m able to make a balloon rhinoceros that’s six feet long!” or “My partner and I are out to dinner, holding hands. We go home and watch Hitchcock movies. I feel safe and comfortable.”)
Where are you right now on your path to that goal? Can you blow up a balloon but not twist it into anything? Are you on the dating market? Are you working as a bank teller when you really want to be a branch manager? Are you in school for finance, waiting to get your chance on Wall Street? (Don’t worry, I won’t occupy your goals.) Write it down!
Now, just think. Think about how you can really, honestly go from point A to point B. Are you already taking steps? If not, why not? Are you scared? Is it expensive? Are you overwhelmed, overworked? No matter where you are on your path to your goal, you can always take even the tiniest step forward. Commit to taking a step, and write it down.
What’s that step? For me, for my goal, it was to take a job in a store that’s similar – but not exactly like – the one I want to open someday. My dream boutique. For you, it might be smaller, or it might be bigger. But guaranteed, even if it’s as small as reading a couple of articles to just learn more about what you want, you can take a step today. You can even take another one tomorrow! Just focus, step by step. Put as much as you can into each step.
If you know what you want but you don’t know how to get it… someone does! Someone out there in the great big universe has had a similar dream. There are loads of articles on starting your own vintage boutique, on dating, on making music, on making a creative hobby into a profitable business, even on starting a blog! You can learn so much, and get so much closer to your goals, by reading about people who have met theirs. Reach out!
Really. You can do this.