Things I hope the TSA doesn’t confiscate: Lelo Luna Beads (mini), MiMi v1, or my Lush essentials. Note: By “essentials”, I mean a 12 step routine that would put even the likes of Donatella Versace to shame. 

And now for Wedding Wednesday: Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties!

What to do, what to do. I’ve never really had just one group of friends, and because of that, I love to associate with so many different kinds of people. Even online, I have my sex blogger friends, my lifestyle blogger friends, and even my animals-on-Instagram friends. It’s even more diverse in person! Because of this, I’ve gotten all kinds of bachelorette party suggestions, from a BYOB painting class (fun, but not my idea of a bachelorette party), to a wild night with a limo and South Side bars (um hi anxiety attack).

Listen. I want there to be strippers. I love strippers.

You might not know this about me, but I have a damn good time at a strip club. I love to watch men get hustled, and a dancer with pole skills is simply a lovely sight to behold. Furthermore, male strippers are hilarious. Sometimes they’re kinda sexy, but mostly? Just a riot. I’ve seen a few nice looking penises in my day (and more than a few nice butts), but booty poppin’ just isn’t the same when it’s done by a man. It’s all about the physical form, and the discomfort or total rapture of those around you. Steve’s first time at a strip club was with me, and if I had had a little more cash to throw around, I would have bought him a lap dance. That’s just the kind of giving soul I am.

I’d really like to combine mine and Steve’s bachelorette/bachelor parties, and happily, there’s a club in our city that has male and female dancers on Saturday nights. I don’t want to combine because I’m afraid of what might happen without me there – quite to the contrary! I’m afraid that without me there to egg them on, Steve may never get that pre-marriage lap dance that he deserves. What kind of wife would I be if I let that happen?

Anyway. There’s a time and a place for wine and class, and that’s at the bridal shower – I can certainly clean up when I want to.

I was wrong.

The LoveHoney flash is a plain looking clitoral vibe. At first glance, it doesn’t look like anything special. The finger-like silicone tip is soft and flexible with a bit of drag to it, kind of like Fun Factory silicone. The rest of the body is much more firm and made of either ABS plastic or a slightly smoother silicone. Either way, this vibe is definitely body-friendly.

What I really love about the Flash is that, like my beloved Mia, it charges via USB. (Hence, Flash.) The vibe pulls apart just under the inch-thick silver seam emblazoned with the (adorable) LoveHoney logo to reveal the USB plug, nicely nestled in a waterproof seal.

The Flash has 4 speeds and 3 vibration patterns. Like most good designs, the Flash goes from lowest to highest vibration, then to its patterns. It actually took me a couple of cycles to determine that the first pattern was, in fact, a pattern. It’s a very, very rapid and intense pulsation. In fact, it’s the first pattern I’ve ever felt was worthwhile on any toy. Normally, they space the vibrations too far apart for me, but this was simply perfect.

When compared to my Mia (which is technically the second generation, but not the Mia 2), I found that the Flash was stronger but also buzzier. (I couldn’t quite put my finger on how the vibrations differed until Caitlin described it as a bit buzzy. Thanks, friend!) I found it very easy to have an orgasm using the Flash, even on the first setting. The softness of the head of the vibe combined with its finger-like shape makes for the perfect pin-point stimulation for me personally: right on target, but not overwhelmingly strong. If I had to place its vibration strength on a 1 to 10 scale, with 1 being some cheap PVC Doc Johnson mini vibe and 10 being the Vibratex Mystic Wand, the LoveHoney Flash would be a solid 6.5.

In theory, this would be an amazing vibe to use during sex. Being quite finger-like, it should fit comfortably between bodies in a variety of positions. I tried it once, and the vibrations made my partner laugh entirely too much to continue with le sexytiemz.

Frankly, I think the LoveHoney Flash is one of the best rechargeable clitoral vibes I’ve come across. For $45, you’re getting a strong, multispeed, multi patterned, silicone vibe that’s neither particularly loud nor hard to store. Power Queens may not be completely satisfied with the Flash, but if you’re coming from the world of $20 novelties, I think you’ll be quite pleased.

Thank you, LoveHoney!

Yesterday, Steve got his official offer from the University of Kiel. So, as long as his defense goes well, we’re gettin’ married and shippin’ out. Because we’re not exactly ballers right now (hint: I have two jobs and one of them I took mostly for the free food), we’re looking to make this a cheap but surprisingly classy affair.

My first priority is finding a dress for around $100 or less. My taste in wedding dresses is mostly nontraditional, and right now, I’m leaning towards this cute piece from ModCloth:

Our biggest problem (or, should I say, my biggest problem – Steve isn’t much into wedding planning) is trying to differentiate our wedding from some weird combined graduation party. Because the reception will be at my parents’ house in the suburbs, it’s a fine line to walk. Any suggestions? I’m thinking of asking our guests to wear “garden party attire” like cocktail dresses, light suits or pants/jackets, etc. I suppose it’ll help that I’ll be in a white dress and Steve will be wearing a suit (grey, most likely, with some kind of mint green accent).

We aren’t having a wedding party, partly because we’re having a very small ceremony at the courthouse. Also, I just didn’t feel right prioritizing some friends, and then asking them to spend money on dresses and all of the other expenses that come with it. Because the one thing I’m willing to splurge on is a great photographer, I’m considering asking our immediate family to coordinate something so we all look good in photos together. Grey/mint green/coral pink/white?

Last, but not least, I’m planning on involving the dogs in the reception festivities. They’re both very social pups. Since they both love attending parties and having guests over, so I’m not worried about them being overwhelmed. I’m hell bent on finding Dmitri a mint green bow-tie and some kind of matching accessory for Daphne. I honestly could not care less if this is considered tacky.

Any ideas or suggestions for our big day?

They call the technology that powers the toy “vibraMoove”, which as far as I can tell means that the head of the toy both vibrates and actually moves. Before I get ahead of myself, here’s a picture of the toy itself, propped against my 13″ MacBook:

As many other people have noticed, it looks a hell of a lot like a smart phone. It’s meant to be discreet, but personally, I think it draws a lot of attention. At 4″ tall and 2″ wide, it’s certainly not big by any means, but it’s also not even close to the smallest of rechargeable clitoral vibes. The white and hot pink design isn’t exactly subtle, and kind of reminds me of Barbie accessories. On the plus side, I do absolutely love that you can snap the cover on to protect your iGino One; the cover ensures that if you keep your iGino clean, it’ll be ready when you are.

But how does it work? The head of the iGino One moves back and forth while also vibrating. The back and forth movement reminds me of quick tongue-flicking, if tongues were made out of hard plastic. The vibrations and the movement are actually pretty awesome, if a little bit strong. Because the iGino One has only one speed setting, there is no warm up. It goes right to mimicking jackhammer oral sex. They do include a spongy attachment called a SkinTouch head, meant to muffle the vibrations for those who are particularly sensitive, but something about the material doesn’t appeal to me.

Speaking of jackhammers… I have never had such a hard time focusing on getting off. Ever. It’s not Hitachi loud, but it’s louder than all of my preferred clitoral vibes. I’m assuming it’s so loud because the entire thing is made of hard plastic, but it could just be the nature of the vibraMoove technology. Either way, it’s a mood killer. I did get off, but it was a struggle to ignore the loud whirrrr of the iGino One.

Over all, the iGino One is a mixed bag. I like the feel of the vibraMoove technology, and I like the nubby head since it allows for easy pin-point action. Rechargeable vibes, especially ones with their own USB plug built right in, are 100% my jam. However, the square, iPhone-like case makes it a little awkward to hold, and frankly I’m disappointed that it only has 1 speed. At $99 retail, I think some kinks should be ironed out before hitting the market.

The iGino One comes with a nice storage pouch, a USB cable, an EU to US adaptor, and the Skin Touch head.

If you’d like to contribute to the iGino fundraising project, you can find it here.

Thanks iGino team!

First up…

I haven’t had a chance to try any of their products (my laughably small disposable income generally goes to cheese), but I have my eye on the Linger, texture fiend that I am. Epiphora, someone I would trust with the safety and happiness of my genitals any day, absolutely loves NobEssence. If I can ever get my vagina to stop being such a pansy when it comes to girth, I’d love to try the Seduction.

Next, and possibly even more exciting for those of you who prefer vibration near your nethers…

Dude, you can get a Mia 2, the updated version of my absolute favorite travel-friendly clitoral vibe, for $52. The Mia charges via USB port, comes with a discreet satin pouch, and is whisper quiet. Or, if you prefer something with a bit more size and oomph, get your mitts on a Mona 2 for $95.99 (definitely on my wishlist).

And, for anyone looking for a double header…

That includes the famous FeelDoe  and RealDoe from Tantus, the crazy-fun-looking New Wave from Fun Factory, and the popular Nexus Junior from Vixen Creations (makers of one of my favorite dildos, the VixSkin Mustang). Bonus: If you’re looking for a bit of beginners pegging fun, I recommend the FeelDoe Slim.

Happy shopping!

Surprise! Or not, if you follow me on Facebook, Twitter, or Instagram…

Last night, Steve and I got engaged! It wasn’t unexpected, but it was very sweet. (And I got to have a burger with goat cheese on it so you know, classin’ it up.)

So why was I expecting it? Well, we’re about 95% sure we’re moving to Germany at the end of the summer! I can’t include too many details yet, but it looks like Steve will be completing a post-doctorate, so we’ll be there for a few years. We already knew we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together, but the threat of me potentially being deported if I didn’t find a job within 3 months lit a bit of a fire under us to make it official before we start our journey.

We’ve spent a little time discussing names in the past, and whether or not we expected to change mine, his, or both. While Steve encouraged me to keep my name (feminist ally jackpot over here), I decided I want to hyphenate. If we ever have kids, I’d like for us to share a name. Plus, Daphne’s last name just sounds better as the hyphenated version of his and mine. Don’t act like that’s not a legitimate concern.

We’re thinking about getting married in late July or early August, but haven’t set a date yet. I’m really excited to blog about this whole process! It’s no secret: I want to have the most awesome but least expensive party-like wedding reception possible. I’m the first of my friends to get engaged, and I’m looking to keep it pretty low-key. No bridesmaids – no wedding party at all – and as DIY/handmade as possible for the reception. Of course both Daphne and Dmitri will be attending.

What was the most awesome wedding you’ve been to, and what made it so great? Do you have any good DIYs or tips that you don’t mind me using? 

Saturday May 25th at Kennywood, a Pittsburgh staple. This is the Black Widow, which you could not pay me enough to ride.

This past Thursday, one of my dear friends moved to Albany, NY, with her boyfriend. She’s the one in the green towards the right, pictured above, next to the superblonde (another close friend, shout-out guuurl). I’m super sad about her leaving. She and I lived together last summer and have been through a lot together, but I hope she finds success up in New York. Also, her apartment looks rad so I’m kind of jealous. It has a gym! In the complex! What is this, adulthood!?

Steve and I are gearing up to get the final word on our future. We should have all the necessary information early next week, and I’m hesitant to share too much before that happens. He’s been told to consider it set in stone, but being as cautious as he is, I certainly don’t want to jinx it for him! (Unless I’m Jinkx Monsoon-ing it. Bad joke? I’m going through Drag Race withdrawal.)

I have a couple new projects I’d like to start, but I’ve noticed a curious phenomenon. After working a 4-6 hour shift at Chipotle (yup, second job), I am totally freaking exhausted. Like, sit on the couch and watch 4 episodes of How I Met Your Mother exhausted. God, give me strength. I want to learn to code and design WordPress layouts (I have basic HTML, CSS and Photoshop skills), sell some old clothes on Instagram, and make an effort to blog 2-3x per week. Finally, my ambition is returning!

How has your life been lately? 

On to more fun business. I have several reviews that I need to complete this week, and luckily, it looks like I’ll have time to do it! Please look forward to seeing my reactions to the Lovehoney Flash, Ammo Mika, CalExotics Namaste Harmony, iGino One, and some lovely condom/lube samplers from Lucky Bloke!

I do like to give little snippets of first impressions, so let’s get to that, shall we?

1. The Lovehoney Flash is like if the Lelo Mia and your finger had a silicone baby. I like it, but I’m having a hard time forming a nuanced opinion of it.

2. The Ammo Mika is a rabbit-style vibe made of beautiful 100% silicone. It’s totally waterproof, magnetically rechargeable, and decently strong. Unfortunately, my vagina doesn’t seem crazy about the rigid shaft.

3. I originally requested the Namaste Harmony because it resembled the Leaf Life, which I’m always hearing great things about. It’s a bit bigger, and I have trust issues with CalEx, but I think it stands a chance at being a decent handheld multipurpose massager.

4. Oh man. The iGino One is a little bit infamous among my group of sex blogger friends. Its tagline - What Women Want - caused us all a good eye roll. In truth, I like the way the pinpoint head wiggles back and forth, a bit different from a vibrator. It mimics the kind of tongue action I like from oral sex. The problem? It’s like trying to ignore the sound of a jackhammer. And it looks a lot like some of the phone cases I keep lying around.

5. Man, do I love condoms. My partner and I use condoms exclusively since I decided to discontinue NuvaRing late 2012, and we’ve been on the hunt for The Perfect Condom since then. Bless that man’s heart, he hasn’t complained once. So far, our favorites are Lifestyles Skyn, but we’re excited to try all of the varieties sent to us by Lucky Bloke!

PS: Did I tell you guys that I managed to have an orgasm using the Vibratex Mystic Wand? Finally? After like 20 uses? Yes, it finally worked for me! Unfortunately, it was not earth shattering.

When I originally quit, I did it because I felt like my feelings were numbed, I had a hard time having an orgasm, and I had gained about 25lb. I loved how balanced I felt on Celexa, but I hated that my emotions felt confined to 3-7 on a 1-10 scale. It could take me an hour to have a weak orgasm, if I could have one at all. But if I’m being completely honest, the weight was the thing that bothered me the most.

I follow some amazing body-positive bloggers, so admitting that I apparently value being 25lb lighter over my mental health… well, it’s embarrassing. It makes me wonder if I’m a terrible feminist. Or, hell, a terrible person.

While the ability to orgasm was a factor – and has been improved since weaning off – toy testing has been slow because the desire to do much of anything with my time has dropped drastically. I’m 13lb lighter, but I still feel emotionally numb, except when I’m having an anxiety attack. The attacks are shorter and fewer than before I started on Celexa, but that’s hardly an improvement when you consider that depression has shown up in anxiety’s place.

As someone who understands how problematic it is that women are so frequently valued based on their physique, I can’t wrap my head around why I’m doing this to myself. Yes, my body is lighter since I quit the drug. Yes, I can now usually orgasm in under 15 minutes. Can I get dressed and motivate myself to do something fun? Not half as easily as I could have 3 months and 25lb ago. Even if you eschew morality, what’s the point of being vain if I never leave the house?

When I’m not working – which varies a lot in retail – I sometimes spend a day doing absolutely nothing. Invitations to get out of the house are sometimes accepted, but sometimes, I just feel too shitty to be around other people. Frequently, I wish I could sleep for a while, and wake up with a new set of circumstances under which I’d have no “reason” to be depressed.

Note: I have an appointment with a psychiatrist on Monday, and I’m going to get some professional advice. If you’ve experienced anything similar, I’d love to hear from you, especially if you found a solution.

So what is Dildology?

In their own words… “The sex toy industry is on the rise, yet it remains largely unregulated. Dildology.org intends to provide material verification services and maintain a public database of the results, adding transparency and oversight to the industry while educating the public about the science behind pleasure products. We stand on our own, unaffiliated and uninfluenced, and we are dedicated to protecting the health and well-being of the dildo-loving population at large through education (and maybe a little entertainment).”

Crista, Lilly, and Crista’s partner V want to know what the hell is in our sex toys, and they’re tired of relying on faulty manufacturer information to find out. Did you know that absolutely nothing – no one – stops manufacturers from claiming “phthalate free”, even if their product is actually 30-50% phthalates? Are you as angry as we are now? You should be!

The goal of Dildology.org is to provide 100% comprehensive, independent testing, which is very expensive. Testing for each toy is $200-$450, which is quite a chunk.They are purchasing toys directly from locations around the US, and are refusing toys offered by manufacturers so as to remain 100% objective. (They are, however, taking product donations from third-party retailers – if you run a store and want to help, hit them up.)

At this time, they need $20,000 to start this amazing project, and you can help. They’re offering some awesome rewards to get started, including a 15% off SheVibe coupon when you donate $15 or more and a baller Dildologist t-shirt when you donate $50!

In addition to their donation perks, if you are a blogger and donate more than $15 to Dildology, I will give you a code for a free 1 month advertising slot, which you can use now or for the month of June (or, if a ton of you donate, I’ll queue you up and let you know when your month will come). Shoot me an email after you donate, and once I confirm your donation, we’ll get you set up through PassionFruit.