Sponsors and Schnitzels: Updates of All Sorts

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Very exciting news: My favorite things to have between my legs for more than an hour or two are now sponsors of Marvelous-Darling.com…


If you recall my review, in which I extolled the virtues of these practical but sexy little numbers, then you know why I’m so excited. Bandelettes are pretty new on the market, and I’m really thrilled to be working with them; I believe that they have what it takes to be a fixture in the world of lingerie. Go check them out!


Something that’s really cool about Germany is that things I wouldn’t even consider consuming in the US are way, way better here. Sorry, Hershey’s, but your milk chocolate is junk. It’s like wax. In fact, I would rather eat wax, because I’m pretty sure the calorie content is lower and the taste is exactly the same. Riesling grown/bottled in the US? No, give me a Sauvignon Blanc or get out of my face. But here, in this magical land, it’s like God himself handed down these gifts.

You know what you can’t find in Germany? Mexican or  American-Mexican food. I would flash a stranger for a burrito and a side of guac. I also haven’t found popcorn yet, but I’m sure I’m just not looking hard enough. Every trip to the grocery store involves experiencing the stages of culture shock.

Some of these cultural differences are really charming! In Germany, most drugstores and cosmetic shops have a fairly wide selection of bath salts. The kind you actually take baths with. As I explained to my new British friend, in America, when we talk about bath salts we’re probably talking about the drugs that cause people to act like flesh-eating monsters. Europeans are, it appears, just much more refined.

Furthermore, there exists a German website where people can arrange ride shares. Those who do the driving often end up making a bit of money, and those who pay to ride get to save a bit when compared with train fare. This would never, ever work in the United States. In the US, we have this weird habit (for a first world country) of killing strangers. We really need to get it together.

(Ok, so I sort of lied when I said “and Schnitzels” because I actually haven’t had any schnitzel in over a week. Which is like ten years in food time. It’s been way too long. I’ve been busy trying to embrace this whole incidental housewife thing by cooking dinner most nights. But didn’t it sound nice? )

DuoLingo! Or: How I Trick Myself into Learning German

First of all, I’m sorry Mother-in-Law! We’ve busted out the language software a time or two, but we’ve found ourselves completely addicted to DuoLingo.

Have you thought about learning Spanish, French, German, Italian, or another language? Maybe you don’t want to shell out for (or pirate) Rosetta Stone, or you just don’t think you want to learn that way. Sometimes, when I’m purposely sitting down to learn something, my brain either shuts off, or decides it would be a much better time to polish my nails or read a murder mystery. Or watch SVU. I have bad taste.

DuoLingo is different in many ways, but chief among them: It’s free, and it’s a game. You start with the very basics, and information is grouped in short levels. You have 4 lives, and have to complete 20 translations per lesson. I’ve had to try a few lessons twice, but never 3 times (yet). What I like about it is that if I have 10 free minutes, I can complete a lesson.

The feeling of advancing through lessons is what makes DuoLingo so addictive. You can link it to your Facebook and Twitter accounts, and if any of your friends are working on learning a language, too. This is probably dangerous for the mega competitive part of my personality. I would not recommend it to Spencer Hastings.

On the flip side, if you and your best friend/partner/roommate/parents all want to learn a new language, some healthy competition can encourage you to keep at it, instead of letting your DuoLingo account be just another place on the web that you never use (hey, Vine, what’s up?). Yesterday, my husband was using the DuoLingo app on his iPad (free!), and I realized he was ahead of me. What’s the first thing I did when I opened my computer this afternoon? Duo-fucking-Lingo.

Want to add me?

Jet-setting or JeJoue: You can now choose Travel or NSFW!

If you’ve been reading my blog at all lately, you’ll know that I have an amazing opportunity coming up: I’m moving to Kiel, Germany, with my new husband.

Up until now, I’ve mostly niched my blog as a sex toy review blog, with some splashes of real life, dating, and ranting. That’s fine. But I really, really want to share all of my new adventures with you.

So, to make that easier, I’m splitting my posts up into Safe for Work and Not Safe For Work categories.

Want to read about my life abroad but not my ever growing toy collection? If you’re a friend of mine from “real life” and want to keep up with me but not anything I put near my vagina, you’re going to be totally safe clicking on my Travel, The Expat Files, and Dating & Relationships pages. Those categories include my journey with emigrating, where I’ve been lately, and any posts I write about dating and relationships not including sex explicitly. (I never write about my own sex life. My husband deserves some privacy, after all, and I’m just not comfortable with it. Unless you want to get some coffee, then hey, whatever, let’s chat.)

If you just want to read my reviews, check out the Not Safe For Work page. You’ll find all of my past reviews, my future reviews, and any other toy-related or more explicit posts I’ve made. Voila!

Any suggestions on other ways I can organize content to make it easier for folks who want to read about just my life and travels or just my toy reviews? I’d love some pointers and ideas!

PS: We leave in 22 days!


Little by Little

It feels like this entire wedding/moving process is taking forever, but it’s really coming up fast. The wedding is 16 days away, and we still need: a bow tie for him, shoes for me, and wedding bands for both of us. We’re thinking of going the Etsy route for bands, and I guess we need to make up our minds, like, yesterday.

In the mean time, we’ve been trying to enjoy everything we possibly can in our corner of Pittsburgh. My bridal shower was last weekend, where we enjoyed dinner at Piccolo Forno and cupcakes from Vanilla.



We have plans to visit our favorite bar – and the location of our first date – a few more times before we hop on the plane, too. (If you’re curious, it’s called the Squirrel Hill Cafe, but patrons usually call it The Cage. Google ‘at ‘n yinz is in for a good mill and maybe an Ir’n City.)

I’m personally going to be extra nostalgic for another Squirrel Hill staple: the 61C Cafe. I was a barista there for a year and a half, and it’s definitely the job (and staff) I miss the most. Unfortunately, the website hasn’t been updated since I was a sophomore in high school, so don’t go looking there for any relevant information. Facebook them instead, and if you go, get some hot chocolate.

Oh yeah, and I guess another important thing about the wedding: We haven’t figured out the ceremony yet. Or our vows. And I’ve heard that winging it isn’t a very popular or successful strategy for a ceremony that will, in large part, define the beginning of our (legal) lives together. And since we’re self-officiating, we can’t fall back on whatever the judge/minister/rabbi usually does.

Any last-minute wedding ideas? Things you wish you’d thought of? Thoughts on how to pull of a short, sweet, personal ceremony? 

Wedding Wednesday #1: Wedding Wears

Yeah, that’s right. We’re getting all ~lifestyle blog~ up in here with some Wedding Wednesday shit.

Yesterday, Steve got his official offer from the University of Kiel. So, as long as his defense goes well, we’re gettin’ married and shippin’ out. Because we’re not exactly ballers right now (hint: I have two jobs and one of them I took mostly for the free food), we’re looking to make this a cheap but surprisingly classy affair.

My first priority is finding a dress for around $100 or less. My taste in wedding dresses is mostly nontraditional, and right now, I’m leaning towards this cute piece from ModCloth:



Our biggest problem (or, should I say, my biggest problem – Steve isn’t much into wedding planning) is trying to differentiate our wedding from some weird combined graduation party. Because the reception will be at my parents’ house in the suburbs, it’s a fine line to walk. Any suggestions? I’m thinking of asking our guests to wear “garden party attire” like cocktail dresses, light suits or pants/jackets, etc. I suppose it’ll help that I’ll be in a white dress and Steve will be wearing a suit (grey, most likely, with some kind of mint green accent).

We aren’t having a wedding party, partly because we’re having a very small ceremony at the courthouse. Also, I just didn’t feel right prioritizing some friends, and then asking them to spend money on dresses and all of the other expenses that come with it. Because the one thing I’m willing to splurge on is a great photographer, I’m considering asking our immediate family to coordinate something so we all look good in photos together. Grey/mint green/coral pink/white?

Last, but not least, I’m planning on involving the dogs in the reception festivities. They’re both very social pups. Since they both love attending parties and having guests over, so I’m not worried about them being overwhelmed. I’m hell bent on finding Dmitri a mint green bow-tie and some kind of matching accessory for Daphne. I honestly could not care less if this is considered tacky.

Any ideas or suggestions for our big day?