Archive of ‘Sex & Toys’ category

Review: Jopen Key Stella II Kegel Balls

The first time I tried the Jopen Key Stella II kegel ball set, I was not pleased. Not at all. They hurt going in and they pressed uncomfortably against my vaginal walls (especially against my urethra). The first time I tried to take them out, it hurt so badly that I actually feared using them again. However, this has all changed.



The Jopen Stella II comes with a set of 3 plastic and silicone weighted balls and one silicone holster. As you can see, it does indeed come in a color that isn’t pink or purple. Let us all rejoice. Two of the balls weigh 40 grams, and one weighs 30. I would honestly have preferred 4 balls, two 30s and two 40s, but overall, it’s not much of a problem.

It’s clear that Jopen took a leaf out of LELO’s book here, because the balls each have a smaller, weighted ball inside them. This means that when you move, or if you simply shake the balls in your hand, you can feel the internal weighted balls move about. This design allows for greater stimulation of the kegel and pelvic floor muscles. Jopen did make a great call by making the entire holster silicone. This means the whole set is completely sterilizable.

I really like the silicone that Jopen used on these. It’s silky, smooth, and the holster seems very sturdy. The smoothness of the silicone definitely helps when you’re trying to get the balls into the holster. Speaking of which, I would say the ease of holster use is about 7/10. As you can see, there are grooves on the balls themselves to indicate how they should be placed in the holster. Mine were slightly off kilter no matter how much I adjusted them, but that didn’t affect them in use. I do think, though, that if you have poor eyesight, you might have a hard time with these.

So what was the problem the first time around? The size. At 1.5″ in diameter, they’re definitely not big by most standards, but the shape of them makes them difficult for me to just simply insert without warmup. Because I like to use kegel balls as a warmup themselves, I find it a bit annoying to have to warmup for my warmup. But you will be the best judge of what you can easily fit into your vagina.

Once inserted, they are definitely noticeable. The first time I used them, I hated them. They pressed way too much on my urethra, and I actually experienced some pain. So, I waited a month before trying them again. This time, I emptied my bladder first, then went to insert the Stella II (with 30g and 40g weights). I could immediately feel them, but this time, there was no pain. They were pressing against my G-spot, and the internal weighted balls were rolling around with every step I took.

Despite the nice feeling of the weights rumbling about, I wasn’t wild about just sitting at my desk with these in. The way that they pressed against my G-spot made me feel oddly uncomfortable doing everyday tasks. I considered just taking them out, but dammit, I have a commitment to you people. So instead, I got out the Mona 2.

So what’s the redeeming factor for Stella II? Masturbating. While I sometimes will use one of my beloved vibrators clitorally while using a dildo, I usually just go for clitoral stimulation. It takes two hands to completely control a dildo & vibe setup, and it can be a little distracting for me personally. But with the Stella II set, I just popped them in they stayed put. When I reached orgasm (Mona 2 always delivers), the resulting sensation of my muscles clenching around the kegel balls was awesome. It definitely prolonged my orgasm, and I wondered whether or not I was going to experience the unicorn that is squirting. (I didn’t. Better luck next time.)

All in all, I would say that for me, personally, my Luna Beads Mini are much more my speed for daily wear and sexual warmup. But I’ve been pleasantly surprised by the Jopen Key Stella II set, and if you’re looking for a quality set of kegel balls (and aren’t afraid of them being a little big), definitely check them out. Personal use: 3/5 stars.

Thank you, SheVibe!


Review: Tantus Neo. Alternate title: My Ass is a Champion

If you recall from earlier this year, I’ve been working on sizing up most of my toys. When it came to butt toys, I was definitely a beginner. In January of 2014, I could only use the smallest of small plugs. Then, I reviewed the Tantus Meteorite, and things began to change.

While the Meteorite is a bit long, it’s nice and thin and I would still say it’s good for beginners. It was comfortable to insert, pretty, and extremely hygienic.

So, naturally, I decided to take it up a notch. Enter: The Matrix Neo.


Neo – like all Tantus toys except for the Alumina line – is made from premium, pure silicone with a lovely semi-matte finish. Neo is 4″ long and its bulb has a maximum diameter of 1.4″. I would definitely not call Neo a beginner plug, considering it’s the same thickness as a fair few penises. The silicone has a little bit of squishy give to it, but overall, it’s pretty firm, although the base is flexible. I’ll be honest: When I first saw it in person, I laughed, and figured there was no way in hell I was going to comfortably get it in my butt. (Oh, ye of little faith!)

What made Neo doable for me was definitely its shape. The tip has a lovely taper to it, and the base is supremely comfortable. That said, it was still definitely a stretch for me.

To use, I first had to relax. As someone with an anxiety disorder, who is also more high strung than a chihuahua on crack, this is a little bit difficult. Deep breathing helps. After that, I grabbed a much smaller plug to warm up (the Suit from BS Atelier, review forthcoming). Since I would still classify myself as an intermediate beginner, a warmup was wholly necessary for me. Never be embarrassed to warm up!

Because my warm up plug went in easily and pleasantly, I moved right along to the Neo. Of course, I needed plenty of lube, so I reached for my trusty Sliquid Sassy. I soon discovered that – for me – it’s actually very hard to use a plug this big while lying on your back. I thought for sure it just wasn’t going to go in, as I was actually starting to feel some pain. Before I threw in the towel, though, I tried it again in a different position: Laying on my side, fetal-style. Eureka! Bum success!

Once I found the position that worked, the Neo was really fantastic in use. Because its silicone is just a bit grabby, I could really feel it against my muscles as it slid into place. There’s no texture on the Neo, so it’s quite an easy toy to ease in. While anal stimulation still isn’t my favorite thing, I really enjoyed the full, slightly stretched feeling this plug gave me, and I have to say that it’s got one of the most comfortable plug bases I’ve ever seen or used.

I’ve already recommended this plug to a friend, who recently added Neo, Tantus Little Flirt, and the Lelo Mona 2 to her collection. I would never recommend anything on my blog that I wouldn’t recommend to my very closest friends. So, if you’re looking for an intermediate plug that’s well made, easy to use, safe, and aesthetically pleasing, you should really pick up a Neo.

Bottom line: 5/5 stars, will absolute insert into my rectum again.

Thank you so much, SheVibe!


PS: SheVibe is celebrating their 8th anniversary with some amazing deals! You can get 15% off ALL Tenga products, 15% off all HAKA Pretty Plugs, and 30% off Select JimmyJane!

The Best Condom Resources (now that SCOTUS has fucked with your contraception)

Proving, once again, that the United States legal system favors companies over civilians, is grossly inefficient, and is sexist as all hell, SCOTUS has decided that your employer has the right to deny you contraception coverage. For some people, this may mean taking a (often costly) day off and trekking to Planned Parenthood. For others, it might mean paying astronomical copays to get the pill that’s right for their body.

If you’re anything like me, you aren’t opposed to leaning on condoms in times of lean contraceptives. Because it took me two years to find the right method, I spent a lot of time testing condoms, from the amazing to the meh to the sandwich bag. So, for all of you getting fucked by SCOTUS…

1. Lucky Bloke: Lucky Bloke is one of my all time favorite condom retailers. They have mixed packs, so you can find out exactly what you like. Additionally, they carry packs of small, large, or just normal sized condoms, so if your member swings a bit to one side of average, they’ve literally got you covered. Their page of Ultimate Samplers is my favorite. Best of all, if you spend $24, they’ll ship anywhere in the world for free.

2. SheVibe: Did you really think I was going to make a post about where to get things and not include my boos at SheVibe? Like most everything in their massive selection, their condoms are quality. And they offer Glyde dental dams, which are notoriously hard to find (but essential if you’re into safe cunni- or anal-ingus). My favorites? I will always choose Lifestyles SKYN over any other brand. Plus, their lube selection is phenomenal and includes plenty of glycerin- and paraben-free options, and even some that are certified vegan or organic.

3. When you click on Lovehoney’s condom page, you will see 70 results. Seventy. That means that the odds of finding something that work perfectly for you and your partner are high. Lovehoney even carries some of the awesome but lesser-known brands like MySize, which are sized more specifically to give you just the right fit, and Skins, which are popular overseas but haven’t quite hit mainstream status in America yet.

4. Wallgreens: If you really want to do this in stealth mode while still having all the convenience of online delivery, Wallgreens actually offers a really impressive selection of condoms and lubricant. You can get my favorite Lifestyles SKYN along with most of the other big names, as well as a range of female contraceptives like FC2 and the sponge. Bonus: YOU CAN ORDER SLIQUID, which is only my favorite lube in the known universe!

5. As the name implies, sells, well, a whole lotta condoms. They have probably the widest variety of condoms I have ever seen in one place. It can be a bit overwhelming, but if you have you eye on a particular brand and you don’t know where to find it, it’s worth a look. Crown? They got ‘em. Kimono? Got ‘em. Apparently, there’s even a brand called Contempo, which I thought made casual clothes in the 90s (but what do I know?).

Until we start to get our rights back, best of luck to you and your continued sex life. I sincerely hope this SCOTUS fuckery doesn’t fuck with your fucking.

Review: Doxy Massager Wand

I’m going to level with you: I did not expect to like the Doxy Wand massger-style vibrator as much as I do.



Doxy Wand and Mona 2, for size comparison.


My first experience with a wand – also known as a “massager” – was when Vibratex graciously sent me their Mystic Wand. The Mystic Wand is widely regarded as one of the greatest wand vibes on the market. It did not get me off. No matter how hard I tried, how many positions I attempted, with or without the attachment. I think I managed one weak orgasm. I thought wands just wouldn’t work for me. (Clitorally, that is. Wands work magic on my perma-knotted shoulder muscles.)

So when Doxy offered to send me their über-huge, mains-powered Doxy Wand, I was skeptical. But, I thought, why not? Maybe this time would be different.

When the Doxy Wand arrived, I genuinely had no idea what it was. It came in an enormous brown box, covered with black plastic wrap. I was afraid someone had sent me the biggest dildo known to man. Luckily, the packaging is a bit oversized. Make no mistake – the Doxy Wand is huge, but it’s not as huge as the packaging would lead you to believe. How huge is it? It’s about 13 inches long, which is exactly as long as my thigh.

I expected the power cord to be inconvenient, because I’ve so often heard that complaint from Hitachi and Wahl users. Doxy’s cord, however, is ample and I didn’t feel tethered at all. Furthermore, it erases the concern that you may run out of battery power mid-wank.

When I turned the Doxy Wand on for the first time, I was impressed. It’s strong and rumbly. So strong and rumbly, in fact, that Daphne was deeply startled and fell off the bed. (I guess that’s why they include the “not for use on animals” warning?) I didn’t realize this until Lilly pointed it out, but the Doxy actually starts on about 75% power. When I first plugged it in, I wasn’t intending to get down to business immediately, so I just messed with the power settings a bit. The noise range goes from just above whisper quiet at settings 1-3 to “sweet Jesus, what is that!?” at settings 7-10.

In use, I can barely distinguish among settings 6-10. They’re insanely strong. So strong, in fact, that they made my vulva go numb almost immediately. They might be absolutely perfect for someone who craves power, but it wasn’t my cup of tea. However, I really loved settings 1-3, and sometimes 4. The buttons are huge, easy to find, and easy to press, even under the covers with the lights off.

Because the Doxy Wand head is made of PVC, I elected to not bring it into direct contact with my vulva. Their PVC is phthalate-free, but because PVC can be porous, I like to be extra safe. This is where underwear comes in handy. If I had a Tenga Egg lying around, I would have busted that out to try inside out, stretched over the head of the Doxy.

Finally, was I able to orgasm with the Doxy Wand? YES. Yes, I was! It wasn’t as quick as an orgasm with the WeVibe Touch, Mona 2, or even Mia 1.5, but dammit, it was good. Deep, strong, everything I want in my orgasms.

I do, however, feel that there are some drawbacks to the Doxy Wand. Cleaning is a bit of a mission. I could use toy cleaning wipes, but I prefer – in general – to get down with good old fashioned dish soap and warm water. However, you have to be careful not to get water into/onto parts of the Doxy that are mechanically delicate. Also, because of its size, I wouldn’t consider it easy to travel with. It’s probably the most conspicuous toy I own, and I have a couple of neon dildos. Also, it’s on the pricey side: over $130, 89£, or 119€. If you already have wand attachments that will fit (Hitachi ones should) or if you really, really wand an ultra-powerful mains-powered wand, it would be worth it. (Side Note: I can see the Doxy Wand being perfect for cam shows, now that I think about it.) But, if you want something versatile and ready for travel, I would recommend you pick up a Mona 2.

Overall, I would have to say that the Doxy Wand pleasantly surprised me. It will definitely continue to get use in my bedroom, and my shoulder kinks are disappearing already.

If you want to purchase the Doxy Wand, be sure you choose the right retailer for your country, since the power cord is specific. If you’re in the US, you can click any of the above links (except the first one, which links to and it will take you to If you’re in the UK, click here for And, finally, if you’re in the EU, you can get a Doxy Wand from, a brand-spankin’-new outpost of Lovehoney right in my new home country.

Thanks, Doxy!

VerSpanken H2O: A Very Special Guest Review!

Please welcome Sam to the blog! This is his first review, and I’m very proud to be hosting it. Sam came to me to ask about masturbators suitable for trans guys. Since I wasn’t able to find a whole lot of information on the topic, I reached out to my friends at SheVibe about sponsoring a guest review. Without further adieu, take it away, Sam!

It is hard to find good products on the market for trans guys that are looking for something for penis stimulation, as a lot of toys made for men assume an average cis-guy penis size and thus most of the interesting and stimulating bits of the toy tend to be difficult to access or impossible to use entirely.

The Ver Spanken‘s design appealed to me because of it’s purported high degree of adjustability. It consists of soft inserts (the variation I used contains “WaterWieners“, which can be warmed or chilled or used at room temperature) within a plastic casing that can be opened and closed with a snap closing to control the pressure.


Within the package was a bumpy WaterWiener set and a smooth set.

My first attempt was with the bumpy inserts. Inserting them and removing them from the plastic holder was fairly easy — there are two soft buttons on the reverse side of the inserts that pop into place within the plastic holder, and it holds them in well and isn’t too difficult to remove either. I’m not ordinarily the type to be too adventurous with temperature as I can be quite sensitive (especially to cold), so I thought leaving them at room temperature would be good for a test run.

Texture wise, the bumpy inserts feel nice. I tried pushing through the inserts with the snap closure held together initially but it is INCREDIBLY tight and unless you’re into super maximum pressure I think most people will probably find themselves opening the snap closure and adjusting it to a suitable pressure manually. Make sure you’re using a lube that doesn’t dry out too quickly or it will likely get frustrating very fast.

However, the design of the VerSpanken is what holds the intelligent concept (adjustability) and nice texture back. Rather than moving easily through the inserts I found that the material tended to grip me and move with me quite a bit rather than allowing any real friction, which didn’t produce much sensation. For other trans guys especially I anticipate this being an issue because the only thing I can see remedying the situation is considerable length, which most of us cannot boast.

The smooth inserts weren’t any better in that regard, and honestly comparably the different textures did not feel remarkably different upon use.

The device itself is kind of awkward to hold due to the shape and size, and the hard plastic parts kept coming into contact with my body and that was uncomfortable.

Overall, I love the concept and the material itself has a great give and surface feeling, but doesn’t seem to work well within the device. I think the “WaterWiener” inserts would be nicer within a more traditional “masturbation sleeve” style toy rather than the open-ended VerSpanken.

I would give it 2 out of 5 stars.


Thank you, Sam and SheVibe! If you have any ideas for Sam about toys he might enjoy, please leave a comment here. One thing’s for sure: The market could use more inclusivity.
Note: This review does NOT contain affiliate links. I don’t think it would be fair for me to profit off of Sam’s work.


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