Lately, I’ve been wanting to find a mid-range clitoral vibrator that I can confidently recommend. Sure, there’s the Mystic Wand. But I wanted to be able to point towards something smaller, something capable of pinpoint stimulation.

The Curve – from the Love Candy by Kendra line – is not going to be that toy. In fact, I would recommend you avoid it, because I’m fairly certain that the faux-leather case it comes with is actually worth more than the vibrator itself.

Curve

I didn’t even re-do my nails to take this photo. That’s how little I respect this vibrator. I didn’t even bust out the DSLR.

Now, the Curve had two points going for it: First, the design. It’s simple, ergonomic, and capable of a few different kinds of stimulation. (Or it would be, if the motor weren’t complete garbage.) It’s shaped sort of similarly to the Nomi Tang Better than Chocolate 2, but a bit bigger. Second, it’s supposedly coated in silicone. (It’s dissimilar to any silicone I’ve encountered, but has no smell and silicone does come in a variety of types.) So, alright, Evolved made a few good choices with this line. But alas, it was not enough.

I don’t mind when a toy takes batteries instead of being rechargeable. Rechargeable batteries add to the cost of the toy, and they’re not always better (see: Rechargeable versus Original Mystic Wand). I bought a fresh pack of Energizer AAA batteries in an effort to ensure that the thing would be receiving maximum power. I turned it on and…

“WHAT? Seriously? This is the best they could do for $40!?”

Even on the highest of its 3 speeds, I was displeased. It’s not a matter of impressing me. To impress me, you have to have an insane motor. Not everyone needs a Hitachi- or a Tango-level motor to get off. But I truly don’t think that these vibrations would be enough unless you’re very, very sensitive. And even then, you can get a toy that’s less expensive and/or one that starts low and builds, so that if you ever do require stronger vibes, they’ll be an option.

The controls are very weird, and I had a heck of a time getting the battery compartment open. As someone who’s been doing this for the better part of 3 years, I expect to be able to figure these things out easily. In use, the cuttons were difficult to press and located in a very weird position: On either side of the removable cap. Also known as where the heel of your hand would be during use. ALSO KNOWN AS NOT WHERE I CAN REACH THEM.

There was absolutely no way that I was getting off with this toy. Sometimes, I can get a disappointing orgasm out of a weak toy. But not today, Satan. Not today. It was an exercise in futility, and I have better things to do than to focus all of my energy on orgasming with a substandard vibrator. At least it’s not $69 and disappointing, I guess?

C-list celebrities, please stop making toy lines. Or rather, having toy lines made for you. Do us all a favor and stick to vodka or low-calorie wines.

For now, if you’re looking for something mid-range, I’m going to keep recommending the Mystic Wand. It’s the best vibrator you can get for around $50, and you can get it from my dears at SheVibe, who sent me the Curve at my request.

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