Alright, Crave. I was willing to give you a chance, even though the first iteration of your Duet looked like a clitoral torture device, and even though Epiphora slaughtered it. You changed the designs and came out with two new toys: The Wink and the Solo. So, I thought maybe you’d gotten it together.

NOPE. Nope nope nope. Let me tell you about some things.

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First of all, I will admit that I think that the Crave Wink is adorable. It’s super cute. It looks like a Clinique Almost Lipstick. Also, it’s made out of silicone and metal, which gives it a nice weight and makes it feel expensive. (Heads up, it is expensive: $69.) I chose the coral shade, because it looks even more like lipstick that way and I’m predictable. The material choices and the aesthetic value are the only good things about this vibrator. Put your wallets away right now.

Let me tell you about something that is not a “feature”: Having to twist the battery compartment into place to turn the damn thing on and off. That is not a feature. That is a design flaw. That is lazy. For $69, I want a button. What else do I want? More than one speed. You’re playing this JimmyJane Little Chroma game, and I do not appreciate it.¬†Edit: I forgot to mention this explicitly… it takes one AAA battery. Nothing has ever been powerful, powered by a single AAA battery.

I would absolutely be willing to look past the one speed issue if that one speed were pleasing. It isn’t. It’s like bees. The metal base conducts vibration to the point where my fingers began to go numb after a few minutes. The silicone tip buzzed, but didn’t rumble, and try as I might to come, it was not happening. It actually felt like something was tickling my clit instead of actually trying to pleasurably stimulate it. I tried so hard just to see if I could have an orgasm from this monstrosity. I’m not even a power queen, but I ended up angrily dropping it off the side of my bed and reaching for my trusty WeVibe Touch. (For whatever it isn’t, the Wink truly is durable.)

In the two years that I’ve been reviewing, there have been very few products that I’ve just out and out hated. This is one of them. Say what you will about the appearance of the WeVibe Touch, but at least it works. It does what it’s supposed to do, and it does it very, very well. The Wink is a pretty toy, but it’s as though the care that went into making it stopped there. I was so excited to try this toy, and it was a total letdown. Did anyone with fingers and a clitoris try this in its testing stages? If so, had any of them tried a good vibrator before? It makes me so sad to think that, if this was someone’s first toy, they might never venture beyond it.

In order to clean the Wink, you need to first remove the battery, then twist the two halves together. It is waterproof, which is nice, and the material choices make it easy to clean. Just grab some dish soap, toy cleaner, or 10% bleach solution, and go to town. But, if you want an external vibe that’s waterproof and legitimately a luxury product, consider the WeVibe Touch or the Lelo Mia 2 instead.

In the end, I want to bandy someone about the head with the Crave Wink and tell them to step up their game.

Thank you, SheVibe!

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